(Intermittent Waves Recorded From The Transformed Heart Of A Woman)






Rachel woke up in the morning without feeling nauseous for the first time. When she went into her bathroom, she got on the scale and weighed herself. She had lost another pound. The doctor had told her not to worry because she would soon start to gain a little weight from the baby. She looked at her side profile in the full-length mirror and imagined how her stomach would look in the coming months.


For breakfast she had oatmeal, toast, along with orange and apple slices. Surprisingly, everything stayed down, so, she felt it was safe to take her prenatal pill. As she reached for the bottle, she looked at her engagement ring sparkling from the light. It certainly was gorgeous, she thought.


They had celebrated their engagement when she returned to Graves Tower by flying to Derek's cabin upstate to spend the weekend. It was the first time that they were intimate together.


She was nervous and still conflicted about having sex before they got married, but, somehow, within her confused mind, she felt she owed it to Derek for being so patient with her and staying beside her. Besides, they were going to be married soon so Derek was like her husband, she convinced herself.


Derek seemed to be pleased with her. She had tried to be affectionate and respondent, but, in the back of her mind, she knew it didn't really matter much. Derek was all about pleasing himself in bed.


In her mind, Rachel felt that there was no turning back. She had made a decision and intended to stick with it. No, she hadn't felt like she did with Hal, but, she kept telling herself that she and Derek were new to one another and things would improve. God had showed her how to love unconditionally and she knew that she could love Derek as his wife.


Time and time again, she went through the same ritual of convincing herself that since they were going to be married anyway, it was okay for them to have sex. They just wouldn't move in together. Somehow, in her mind, that made it more respectable. At least for the time being.



She told herself that what really mattered was that Derek was good to her. The people that criticized Derek just didn't know him like she did and if they did, they would see how kind and understanding he really is. She blocked out all of the negative media coverage that she heard and kept trying to convince herself that Derek was a good man and would be a good father and husband.


The only times they had argued had been when he talked about him wanting her to leave The Daily and travel with him while he was campaigning and when she asked about his visiting voters who worshiped in mosque and temples. She had made the remark that he couldn't possibly be "the people's candidate" if he didn't represent "all" of the people.


He suggested she quit working for the Daily after they were married, since, she would soon be in the White House as the First Lady. The reality of what he was saying still hadn't sunk in and Rachel couldn't imagine herself not working everyday as a journalist or as The First Lady of the United States. It was something that she said she would deal with when the time came.


She had made up her mind to stay away from those two subjects that had caused heated arguments and distance between them. Still, Rachel couldn't help feeling that she was losing herself and her identity and forgetting who she was when she was with Derek. The day that they argued, she had screamed,


"I can't just be who you want me to be. I have to be who God created me to be and allow Him to use the gifts that He gave me!"


But, who was really to blame for the argument and the reason for the argument, she wondered? She was allowing herself to live a life that felt uncomfortable and trying to make it work.



From time to time, Hal's father would come by or ask to meet her at the park to check on her. He would bring a gift for her and a gift for the baby and entertain her with his unique sense of humor. When he handed her the money for her to set up bank accounts and a trust fund for the baby, she had tried to object, but, David Siegfried wasn't having it. He insisted that she have added security and support for herself and the baby. They had bonded and she'd come to think of him as the father she never got to have. "Perhaps," she thought, "I'm like the daughter he always wanted."







During his visits with Rachel, David Siegfried wouldn't say much about Hal and Zenobia, just that they were doing fine. He wanted Rachel to feel special and didn't want to ever see her sad again. He had even stopped pressuring her to tell Hal about the pregnancy. He knew that he was carrying some guilt from the situation that his son had helped to create and asked God to help him find a way to be released from the bondage of guilt and pain that he felt. He constantly prayed for his son, who couldn't see or understand that everything that he did effected those around him.


Yet, David Siegfried found that his affection for Rachel was real and sincere. He did love her like the daughter he had never had. Not just because she was carrying Hal's baby, but, because he saw in her a woman seeking God and His Kingdom, confused and struggling to hold on to her faith,and like him, not comfortable with living in the world. It was a chance for him to offer advice, encouragement, and support; to feel needed; and to feel like a father again.


Perhaps, God had answered his prayer after all in this strange but generous way that only God can do. Now, he felt that he not only had a daughter, but, he had two daughters, Rachel and Zenobia, and soon a lovely granddaughter.






The hearing for Miriam's contested will was coming up soon. Theodore Wellington had retained his own legal counsel and referred Hal to an outside law firm that was of equal reputation. Meanwhile, since the day after Tanya's funeral, Hal had been meeting with Tanya's attorneys and getting acquainted with her businesses, finances and the rest of her estate.


Jake and Steve had taken on enough staff for a small army and were always busy training and expanding their business. David hated to think about what they were up to. He left it to Hal to monitor their plans and progress. Hal appeared to be looking the other way when it came to Steve and Jake, giving them permission to stockpile an arsenal of weapons and prepare themselves for what appeared to be a declaration of war and Armageddon. 


Zenobia had the mansion bustling with activity preparing for one thing or the other: redecorating; preparing the baby's room; wedding plans; designing maternity clothes; planning dinner parties and entertaining business associates, etc.


David new that Zenobia was keeping herself extra busy for a reason. Hal spent a lot of time away from home and when he was home, he was working in his study or his mind was always preoccupied. This was a new life for Zenobia in stark contrast to the life she had been living as a nurse practitioner. He encouraged her to send for her brothers and sisters to spend time with them. She needed friends and someone to support her during her pregnancy and as she tried to adjust to her new life. He spent as much time as possible with her, but, David knew that Zenobia was not happy and felt alone.


"Life is changing for everyone so fast," he thought. "So fast that no one is taking time to really think. They're just reacting and allowing things to happen. Lord, I don't even know my son anymore. I know it's wrong, but, that's how I feel right now. I love him, but, I can't stand to see him doing wrong. Save him, Lord. Save him from himself. Humble him and bring him closer to you. Have your way, Lord.


Father, You know the condition of our nation and the world right now. Fear and hatred once again is being instilled into the hearts of the people. Derek Graves is stirring up racial tensions again, pretending he's the people's candidate. Some people are so blind and deaf to Your Word, that they begin to believe anything if it's told to them enough times by somebody who is like them or pretends to be like them. Lord, what will become of my grandchild in the hands of this bigot? Please Lord, have mercy!


Sometimes, I don't understand why these things are happening. I forget that we are all in Your hands. I look at the hearts of the people and have no where else to turn but, to You.


I know that I've asked Your forgiveness before, but, when I see my son doing as I did, not, being the husband and father that he should be when his wife and child need him, it breaks my heart. Forgive me, Father, for not being there when Kari was suffering; for thinking about myself, my wants and desires. I made lots of excuses and rationalized, but, it was me and my selfishness. I-I-I just couldn't face her. You remember...I said I wasn't strong enough to watch her slowly being eaten away by cancer. I didn't know what to do, but...but...the truth is I didn't know unconditional love. I didn't know how to love her as I loved myself. I thought I did when I took the vows, but, when times got hard, I thought about myself. I didn't respect her, because I didn't respect myself. But, most of all, I didn't respect You, Father. Forgive me...for-forgive me for failing You.


Those other women I ran around with couldn't give me what I needed, because, I needed Jesus. Lord...Lord...I-I'm sorry. I'm so s-s-sorry. I know I need to forgive myself, but...but...it's hard to forget. How can I....how can I forget Kari...Kari, I'm-I'm soooo sorry...I love you...Kari...our son...mm-mmm


Yes, Lord, You gave me a good woman and yes, I stopped fooling around and she forgave me, when I asked for forgiveness, but, I couldn't take anything back. I-I-I c-c-couldn't take back...(sobbing)... Oh, Lord, I couldn't take back the pain and heartache that I had caused her and she was already dying! Oh, God! How could I do such a thing? Where was my mind? I thought I knew You Father. I thought I knew Jesus, but, I took my eyes off of Him and I still considered myself to be a good Christian, but, I didn't really believe. I acted like You couldn't see what I was doing. (sobbing)


Now...Oh, Lord! Now, my son is lost and confused. Rachel and Zenobia, mm-mm-mmm, I don't know what to do. I've tried to talk to him. He just pretends like he hears me to keep me happy. Living in that huge house is like living in a tomb with a bunch of dead people. Help us Father...Father...OOOOOH FATHER, PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY SON AND MY GRANDCHILDREN! HELP THEIR MOTHERS! PLEASE, LORD!"


David felt a hand upon his shoulder. It was Carolyn, his nurse. Howard, his body guard stood next to her with his wheelchair. He knew that seeing him in distress, they were concerned about his health, so, it was time for him to leave the sanctuary of his church and return home. Allowing them to help him to get off of his knees, he rose from the altar speaking aloud.


"It's in Your hands, now, Father. Let Thy Will Be Done."




Published by Mishael T