This story goes to those who give so much hope to someone whom they believe will give them their own version of that so called “Forever,” to those who believe that true love exists then fades, and to those people who keep on fighting what is not worth fighting for.

This is my own version of that lost soul.

People regularly ask me why I keep on climbing mountains. Why not just stay at home and rest, or go somewhere else to relax and pamper myself after a long tiring week. But I would just tell them, I want to know my limitation. I want to know if I can be able to make it to the top and finish the climb or if I am really a weakling or not. Well, the truth is, besides the astonishing view from the summit, amazing people you meet along the trail, and the remarkable experiences, there is the underlying fact that there are memories that you want to leave behind. Every trek gives you the chance to fill the missing pieces of that large space in your heart, to forget all the lies, and to completely heal the wound that leaves an awful scar in your life.

There are only few people who know the real story and I really want to keep it that way. That was three years ago when my whole world collapsed. All the love, hope, and trust, in just a snap, are all gone. It was six long years of memories, six long years of dreams, and six long years of everything. That was one of the worst heartbreak in my life. I was devastated, I really didn’t know how to cope up, and I was lost. It was not easy, when you gave everything and still, it was not enough, I was not enough.

Painful. There was no single night I felt relieved. Every night, my eyes kept on pouring the hurt inside. The pain was bursting into tears and the sorrow haunted me day and night.

Helpless. I made myself busy for the sake of continuing what was left of me. My days were helpless, covered by the darkness of the cold nights. There were no stars to look up to, no light rays to warm such loneliness, and no sun to lighten up the life of the lifeless.

Lost. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted to fix all the broken pieces of my current state but it was like a nightmare in the middle of nowhere. It was dreadful. I was afraid that everything I would do seemed to hurt me. As anger, hate, and misery had embraced my being, I found out that everything was so wrong and I realized something was missing. I was like a vessel without a soul, a dying lost soul.

After two long years of pursuit, I realized I was wrong. That soul was not lost. It was there all along yearning to experience and explore things, wanting to be revived.

This is not about the story of love I lost. This is to remind us that everything happens for a reason. Yes, I was badly hurt. I struggled to fix what has been broken years ago. Yet, this is all about acceptance of defeat and the realization of the values of life that we must not forget. It may take some time. But never ever live your life in the darkness of your past. Deal your life today as if there is no future awaits you.

If you are going to ask me how? Well, I really don’t know the answer. But let us try to look at it in a deeper sense. Maybe it is the high time for you to spread your wings and fly across the horizon. Travel. Meet new people. Appreciate small things. Explore the great outdoor. Always remember that the answer is within yourself.

For me? What’s my next step?

“I will never stop climbing until I reach the summit of my happiness.”

 

The WeakEnd Warrior

Past|Present|Future

Published by Jeffrey Antaran