"Insecure. Don't know what for. You're turning heads as you walk through the door." 

- One Direction - 

I'm not particularly a fan, but the lyrics happen to be pretty catchy.


that word has had me caught lately. Insecure, thats pretty much what I am - sometimes it's so uncomfortable I want to cry. I'm not insecure about how I look - I happen to like that - I'm even worse. I am mostly insecure in myself, in how I do things - by comparing myself and what I do to others who are more skilled and further along in their journey than I am. 

We spoke about this in Mentoring - a program at my church - insecurity is your old man, the part of you that was made new by Christ when you accepted Him as your Saviour. We may feel insecure but that is all it is - a feeling. We can chose whether or not to act on it. When we act on it, it's like picking up your old, dead, smelly man - putting her/him on your back and walking around carrying death and decomposition into the spaces you inhabit - so not only affecting yourself but choosing to affect the others around you. When you chose not to pick up the body you have a powerful impact on the people around you; why? Because you aren't weighed down by a corpse, you don't smell like death and you are truly free. That caught me.

When we have worship practice at church we have a soundcheck. Man, they scare me half to death, when you're on vocals you have to sing - loud and proud- with the entire band and sound team listening to you, then if you're anything like me you'll go off key. It's like one of those moments with the - ground swallow me up - sort of feeling. Then in a few weeks I'll be on again and I am faced with the choice - hold onto what happened last time - remember all those horrible feelings of embarrassment or choose to not and keep going leaving the 'unworthy' body in the ground.

If I'm honest this week I chose to pick up that body again. I put it right on my shoulder and honestly every minute I knew it was there - it was a weight I couldn't ignore - my throat closed in fear and I embarrassed myself more than if I had just given it my best. Now with Church today I will have to face the same thing. Am I going to pick up that body? Am I going to allow myself to be insecure? Or am I going to remember what God says.

When He died on that Cross He called me enough. When He whispered it is finished He buried my past. God does not look at me from the front seeing the past and the mess I have made. Rather He stands right behind me guiding my steps and seeing the victory I am walking towards not the mistakes I am wading through.

He is grace, grace, grace and not holding any of my past against me.

So maybe it's time we put our pasts aside and chose to keep that body in the ground - and I mean all of it. We can't simply pick up a hand or a foot when we feel like it because before we know it we'll end up with the body weighing us down again. Let's rather look to Jesus and ask for the help we need rather than using a corpse as an excuse.

when you feel insecure you don't have to. When you accepted Christ He freed you, your insecurities have no hold over you - you are a child of God, not fear cannot touch you. 

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Published by Nicole Honeywill