An overwhelming urge has come across me recently, it's telling me to go to church. I have no idea why, but I really want to attend church on Sunday. I don't believe in God, I do pray occasionally, but I am not a Christian. Is it even acceptable for someone like me to enter a house of god?

The reasons I am even considering it allude me. The only things I can think of is that currently I am struggling slightly, feeling isolated, I feel that being in a church where there is a strong sense of community I would hopefully feel more peaceful. Everyone singing together, the feeling of faith and connection. I feel that currently at this point in my life I need faith, not to be converted, not to become a believer, just simple beautiful faith. It is a wonderful thing, meaning complete confidence and trust in something.

It may not be what I am looking for, but I need to give it a chance, put myself into strange and odd situations to bring my psych back in touch with reality. Get a proper grip on life.

I am a little scared to walk into my village church that I haven't been in since I was 5. I am worried people will see me as a fraud, using the house of God not to worship, but for my own selfish reasons. I'm sure the christian community would welcome me with open arms, but for some reason I feel like I would be judged, as if they would see my real intention. I don't want to piss off God (even if he doesn't exist).

I am also worried that they may discuss things in the Bible that I don't agree with, like homosexuality being wrong and sinful or that sex before marriage is sinful etc. I don't think I will honestly be able to sit through a service. Then again, if I am going to put myself in this situation I should be prepared for what could be preached. I will be respectful of their beliefs and teachings, I just won't attend again. Probably try and find a different church of a different denomination.

I am still in conflict with myself whether or not this is the right thing to do. I have to try it or I will only regret it. I would hate to upset the community or myself.

Wish me luck in my journey to find some sort of connection and peace.

Published by Katy-Jane Pitt