When I was asked this question. I said YES. You miss the idea of him/her.

When you date someone for a while, they become one of your best friend and confidants. After you break up, especially if it was messy, you feel like you lost someone that was over a significant part of your life. You start missing them. What you truly miss is the times you had. The memories. Not the person.

There are few things that can make your mind dodge off to an ex. Music, Social media, your current partner – admit it. Sometimes you look at your current BF/GF and compare them with your ex. It’s only natural.“Weird. My ex didn’t usually make that face when they were brushing their teeth. What does it all mean? Have I chosen the wrong relationship?!” Or when you’ve been single and not ready to mingle and your ex is already moving on.

Here are some of the things I do to pull myself back to reality when I’m feeling some type of way because I don’t want to back to the past;

I get excited about the future – Instead of focusing on what I had and how nice things were, I look forward to what I have at the moment. There was a reason it never worked out in the first place. It doesn’t matter how in love you were. It did not work out! You waste time, longing for the things that were. Instead of planning and getting excited for the things that will be. 

I put on my feel-good playlist and get moving –You will find me having my own karaoke in my bedroom singing to songs I love, which are classic songs, RnB or vocal trance music. Thankfully, my past(s) enjoyed listening to Hip-Hop. Not my genre. So my Taylor Swift/Adele Songs, will not make me miss him. Or rather I will be sitting down with a notebook writing down my plans for the future. Just getting something to do, working my brain to get my mind off the past.

I acknowledge that things weren’t as good as they seemed -They weren’t. When I was in that relationship, things seemed great. But, looking back at it, things weren’t as good as they could have been. Yes, we had some good times, but it wasn’t as wonderful as I thought it was. That’s why we are not together. And that’s okay. I just use it as a learning experience and build from it.

I keep telling myself that it was the past(s) loss – I know am beautiful, strong, amazing, wonderful and fabulous…..the list goes on! Whoever lost me, his loss! Guess we were meant to cross paths but not walk together. And that’s life. People come and go, only a few stay.

There’s plenty more I do, that I can’t put my finger on. But just find something that’ll help your mind off the past, so you can continue to move forward. Remain optimistic about the future, and remember that a littlemissing (thinking) every now and then is alright; just don’t sulk in it and let it bring you down or let it ruin your current relationship, if you are in one. Sometimes our minds play trick games on us. You might not be wanting to go in that direction but your thoughts drag you there.


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Published by Doreen Eshinali