As I continue to evolve and gain more understanding in this world, yesterday, I was faced with a polarizing question: is there any good to being selfish?  Now, mind you I am not even asking if there is such a good thing to be completely selfish in terms of being a complete narcisstic asshole who literally destroys lives and leaves a deadly path of destruction all around them.  As with all things in life, there must be a balance between good and evil, wrongs and right, and now as I have discovered between selfishness and unselfishness.  Most of my life I have tried to balance these two halves as my grandmother taught me to embrace nothing but being completely selfless and give my everything to all people and to treat all people with kindness even when I am not receiving such kindess from strangers and those who know me.

However, I am grew very tired of that and began to embrace a more selfish lifestyle beginning in 2007 as I began to collect vast possessions of electronics and gaming materials.  I did this in an attempt to fill up an empty hole in my heart that I have had for the past 26 years when my grandmother gave me back to my biological mother and ever since that time, that void has never been replaced in my life.  Now that I am 30 years old, I am finding that to be completely selfish wasn’t the right path to go to as it was causing pains in the lives of my loved ones as the concept of the LTD (Let Them Die) so I forsake those beliefs as I became an educator with the dedication and desire to impact lives for the better.

Sadly, that did not solve anything for me as I often placed my own happiness behind the happiness of others and yet I still had nothing to show for it at the end of the day.  For the past few weeks, I have begun to re-examine my own life as I now know that to find some kind of balance between the extremes of hedonism and sacrifice must be achieved for I will be no good to the ones I love if I cannot begin to place my own happiness at the forefront.  For how effective can I be in the lives of other human beings if I am not able to operate at my highest frequency of happiness.  Of course I am also aware that happiness is a peace of mind and a state of being, but still, there has to be some kind of balance that needs to be struck between helping other people and helping myself.  Hopefully through prayer and meditation the Lord, God will give me the answer and the tools needed to continue to make improvements in my life.  For if we are not striving to keep improving the weak points in our lives, then what is the ultimate purpose of life in this world then?

Published by Henry Graves