So I finally out for once last night and went to my friends brothers concert. When I got there I didn't really like it ya'know. A little too loud for my weak ears, tried getting into it for a bit, just doing whateer the other people were doing and trying to dance in order to have this weird satiric feel to it where I tried to be ironically cool enough to impress my friends. It's hard to actually iterate what I meant by that but basically I was just doing things to try and make myself look cool. Then somewhere through it all in my half slumber I just listened to the music. (just to say it was rock I think, or metal or one of those) and there's this just thump of the drums, this crazy beat that actually shakes your core. It was cool just letting it surround you and melt into it. I loved it honestly, something about being surrounded in the visceral experience of the booming sound and lights where I could actually just think for once. Weird isn't it - that in the most distracting place there could be I could actually listen to myself. I didn't really think about much. Two biggish things though. The first was that I was present. At least I think I am. I'm able to just sit in the moment and I've lost that whole thinking over everything generally. Sure I do still have it at times but day to day I'm fine. I think that's a big thing for me. I believe I used to struggle with it. The second one was just that the only person responsible for my own happiness is myself and frankly it's pretty easy to find happiness as long as you're willing. and this is just cheesy as fuck but yeah it was a freeing little idea.

Published by Kevin Li