IMG_7406Several friends, who we love, asked in the past days about our son’s wedding, “Was it just wonderful?!” Their excitement for us is so loving and kind. We feel so supported right now. I just found myself not being able to respond like I would have and have, really, with past equal joys. Our family had the most wonderful time with our son’s wedding just over a week ago. He and his new bride had our hearts from the outset anyway. They are such good people and have been there with us through the worst life can deal. Their wedding day was chosen by them particularly because it was Jonathan’s Birthday. It was a cleaIMG_7435r summer, sunny day. The venues were comfortable, beautiful, and fun. The company was the best with lots of great personalities and love everywhere we turned. We even got to spend some special time with our sons Christian and Michael and lots of family and friends at the temple for Kathryn. We couldn’t have asked for a better day. Yet, in all of it was this underlying pain that Jonathan and Kathryn were not with us physically. It wasn’t prevalent and we didn’t even really talk about it much because we felt them close. But it was a little ache in the corner of my heart.

Kathryn, particularly had spent so much time with her new sister-in-law and loved her dearly already. They had watched movies, gone to the park, did art projects, ate treats and spent time at Emma’s home. Kathryn and Elizabeth were enthralled with Emma’s wedding dress and all of the beauty of the wedding plans. We talked about Michael and Emma’s wedding a lot with all of the anticipation that 2 little sisters could drum up. It was like a dream come true for them. It reminded me of when our daughter and her husband got married. Kathryn was just about Elizabeth’s age. We talked about the wedding and got so excited about lots of little things like new matching bracelets, personalized activity bags, new dresses I made for the girls and of course, seeing Lauren in her dress. Kathryn and Elizabeth loved having a new brother in the family and Kyle was and is an amazing addition to the crew. We just love each family member so much and love experiencing life’s events with them. We knew what great fun we’d have. So we were feeling their physical absence.

Now our family is very clear that Kathryn and Jonathan were there with us in spirit. We all have moments where that was very clear. Knowing that they were there and feeling them helped ease the pain and actually bring such big smiles. Yet there we were having joyous moments and still feeling loss, huge loss. How in the world do two such large compartments of emotions go together criss-crossing throughout such blessed days? How is it that we live day to day with smiles for the good times and yet tears, even unseen for the void that won’t be filled?

On that Beautiful Saturday, my husband and I were reminded that in this life there is both pain and joy. ItIMG_7398 just is. And sometimes these are extreme and still share the stage. With the joy comes light, energy, connection, and new positive memories to draw on. With loss comes uncertainty, shock, fatigue, low moods, and anxious feelings that can take over. There are so very many people who have experienced loss and never figured out how to process through the maze of flowing emotions in their needed day to day experiences.

This worries me a bit. Holding onto emotions, especially negative ones, is physically harmful. We all do it to some degree, right? I have really worked on this even before our losses. About 3 years ago I was feeling such pain from some serious life experiences that many many people experience. I wanted a new outlook and outcome. I felt unhealthy and tired and was very needed in our family to work with my husband, try to help our son with his mental illness and take care of 2 active wonderful little girls. I turned to some key books, videos, music, and real essential oils. I found a couple key mentors to work with and watch. Almost immediately I was finding new patterns of thinking and seeing those new patterns make a difference in my heart.

I learned to take complete responsibility for my thoughts and emotions. I learned that our emotions are our emotions. We are not only responsible for them, we create them with our thoughts. I learned how important it was to recognize emotions and let them flow. But not in a way that brings negatives to others.

How do we do this in ways that actually bring healing? I’m doing affirmations every single day. I also am reading scriptures daily and using essential oils daily. I am so very grateful that I followed the inspiration that I felt several years ago, letting go of my pride and fear, and changing the course of my life within myself . I feel so much better even in my darkest moments. I am finding the ability to dig deep and find hope. I can hear comforting words. I can find joy right along side loss. 

Affirmations: I am strong and full of life. I have joy in my heart. I make room for positive emotions. I feel healthy. I am joyful even in sorrow. I have support and love when I need it. I am able to make space for love.

Essential Oils: Lemongrass, Lavender, Helichrysm, Eucalyptus, Fennel, Rosemary, Passion, Wild Orange, Citrus Bliss

Published by Sherrill Moody