Sitting Thirty

I’ll Show You Mine If…

The night that the cast had the sleepover at the Pantheon Theater, Shelley and Chris were both present. People started dozing off one by one, finding corners and using the ample bedding provided. Shelley looked at Chris and Chris at her, and they both felt what friends often feel right before they become lovers.

Without saying a word, Chris grabbed blankets and pillows, motioned for Shelley to follow him, and led her to a part of the backstage where there was one little room which formerly housed the caretaker of the theater—where he lived, to make sure no one ever broke in.

Chris comforted Shelley by assuring her that nobody knew about the location but him. She was nervous. He was terrified. She was jumpy and defensive. He was bruised. It was not the right time—or, conversely, it was the best time that ever was. It would either be the worst attempt at intimacy that either of them had ever experienced or the greatest memory—one that would be passed along to great-great-grandchildren. Yet nothing guaranteed.

Neither of them felt they could jump into a kissing session which would progress to making out and end up with what would universally be known as the “glorious slip-up.” They were both self-conscious. They both feared inadequacy. They didn’t want to get turned off while trying to get turned on.

They were just beginning to begin. They didn’t want to launch into a fever-pitch of love-making so they decided to start things out by chatting about the project, their lives and see where it went from there.

They both hoped it would lead to more, but it didn’t seem like it could become more until all of their “less” was exposed.

Chris began. “I have some rolls of fat,” he stated flatly.

Shelley nodded her head and replied, “I figured. I mean, since you play Sana Claus and don’t wear a pillow, there must be some reinforcement under there.”

“But I’m embarrassed by it,” said Chris.

“I have fat rolls, too,” said Shelley. “When I try to lose weight—and I have—I lose weight in my knuckles before my belly.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” exclaimed Chris. “I went on a diet and had to have my ring resized—but never changed one notch on my belt.”

They sat quietly for a minute, nervous about revealing so much. “I guess I should share this, too,” said Chris. “My…what do you call it? A man’s part?”

“Man’s part is good,” said Shelley quickly.

“Well,” said Chris, “I’m no expert on the subject. I mean, I don’t go around to the YMCA and take pictures, but I would say that in that area, I’m… average… or maybe a little less.”

“I wouldn’t know,” said Shelley. “I’ve been with three men in my life.”

“Thank God!” said Chris gratefully. “Only three for me, too!”

She continued. “Well, as I was saying, I’ve only been with three, and in all three cases I never saw ‘it’ until I was done, because it’s down there, you know, and I didn’t look, and by the time I saw it, well… by then it was… a little exhausted.

“That’s so weird,” said Chris. “Because I’ve never stared at a woman’s… well…”

“I know,” said Shelley. “You don’t need to say it.”

“I mean, I’ve been near it, but… I guess I was polite. I didn’t want to look like I was probing. Or critiquing.”

“This is so bizarre,” said Shelley. “Now I know why people don’t talk about this very much. Because the more you talk about it, the odder the action of doing it seems. Right now, we’re sensible. But to do that thing, we have to kind of go crazy.”

Chris interrupted. “Yeah! Like we become animals or something…”

Shelley added, “I guess why they always talk about doing it like monkeys, right?”

Chris shook his head. “Yeah, I’ve heard that. But I could never be a monkey. Maybe a gorilla with bad knees.”

Shelley and Chris suddenly spoke together simultaneously. “I’m not very good…”

They looked at each other and laughed. Chris said slowly, “I have an idea… Why don’t we just lay down here and cuddle up in these wonderful comforters and kiss, and just take it as far as it goes, and just spend the night together in each other’s arms?”

Shelley breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, that would be great,” she said. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to be unready in front of you. Does that make any sense?”

Chris vigorously agreed. “Oh, absolutely. I don’t think I could take failing in front of you, and knowing that you knew I failed, and you being nice about it, and me wondering what that meant.” He looked into her eyes. “You see, Shelley, I’m really learning to love you. I wouldn’t want to try to make love to you and ruin that.”

She giggled. “We are so silly. Both of us. But mostly you.”

“I know,” Chris said, laying down and pulling her close. He kissed her on the lips. “But let’s just stay here and make passionate silly together.”

Every afternoon from now until Christmas we will be posting sittings from the story, “Jubilators,” for your enjoyment. Good reading and Merry Christmas!

Published by Jonathan Cring