Today I went to the Proms at the Royal Albert Hall. I saw Petroc Trelawny with cameras pointing at him. I couldn't stop staring. What if I could do that one day? Present a world famous classical music festival on TV, show the world what I love?

It would be good to get some diversity, a nonbinary person up there as the face of classical music.  A nonbinary person from a state school who's had problems with their mental health. However. After my near death experience I vowed I would help young musicians with mental health issues. I have no plan, and no way of implementing my dreams as I failed psychology and have only two A Levels, but that is what I promised I would do. I think the promise of helping those who I see myself in is a way of coming to terms with what happened to me, because I'll be honest, the entire experience was very traumatic. The survivor's guilt has improved, but I can still remember the feeling of my bones running under my hands, the day my parents tried to kick me out, the darkness within my head. 

Thinking about it, maybe this sudden interest in not spending my life dedicated to ill health is a good thing. Perhaps it's a sign that I am slowly moving on. I still have no plan, and no idea of what to do, but maybe I can start to rebuild myself. Now is the ideal time after all - I'm in the process of coming out. Once I am fully Lee I can become the new, healthy me.