"You're so cute" and "you're so funny!" are two observations you're getting real sick of.

You know you shouldn't touch that mini container of Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream... but you're packin' anyway. Your decent face will make up for any diminished bodily attractiveness.

No, you're fine. You won't get a swollen face from eating too late. You chugged two bottles of Poland Spring water before you went to bed.

Your serially disillusioned self wonders why a cute boy hasn't fallen for you at first sight yet. Don't all these potential honeys know you'd be such a catch if you hit the gym more often?

Lying down in front of other people is the WORST.

Peeps who call you pretty are not to be trusted. You see right through their ulterior motives and people-pleasing nonsense *hissss*.

Only your mom thinks you're fairly pretty. Even though she probably only says that to console the pain of squeezing out an average looking baby from her searing, mangled nether regions - she's the real MVP.

Thin/skinny-fat/petite friends who call themselves fat need to get woke. If they're fat, then you are a planet. With peanut allergies. That just ate peanuts.

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As a chubawub 'oriental,' the majority of males who are remotely attracted to you exclude the Asian fellas you're practically exclusively into.

You still haven't totally forgiven your mom for calling you "handsome." Because you're not a boy. Hmm but maybe you should get over that already, because conforming to gender norms is a bummer. 

You're stuck in a constant cycle of deleting and reinstalling dating apps, a.k.a. endless circle of disappointment at the suitors with faces only a mother could love. SMH. In resignation, you sigh and acknowledge that "you attract what you are" is truly a mantra of truth.

You're dead sure that any level-headed straight boy/man/male would choose your ethereally pretty gay guy best friend over you.

When you do eventually snatch your future man toy, a.k.a. real boyfriend who doesn't ghost after the third date, will stay closely monitored in a controlled environment that only you have access to. Why? Your friends are so much prettier and hotter than you. Men are weak. The only solution is to be the last woman he ever sees. Duh.

K BYE  <3

Published by NaHyun Kim