“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”-Edith Wharton 

What a powerful quote to describe the impact of lights. No, I’m not talking about that one Ellie Goulding song, although it is quite a good one. I’m talking about electricity both metaphorically and literally. This is enlightenment.

I want to write this post in honor of rupi kaur and the magnificent work this woman has provided to others so they may bask in the graces of her soul and mind.

My best friend loaned me her book entitled “Milk and Honey.” This book is simply beautiful. It has everything that you need to hear and understand. It has encouragement, inspiration, and agreement. It fills in the holes of the questions you needed answering, it broadens your perspective, it stitches up those wounds, even for a moment. It enlightens.

I’d like to share my favorite poems from this book because they are simply a door to my world.

She was a rose

in the hands of those 

who had no intention 

of keeping her

if I knew what

safety looked like

I would have spent 

less time falling into

arms that were not 

the idea that we are 

so capable of love

but still choose 

to be toxic 

there is no bigger illusion in the world

than the idea that a woman will

bring dishonor into a home

if she tries to keep her heart

and her body safe 

you pinned

my legs to

the ground

with your feet

and demanded

i stand up

a daughter should

not have to 

beg her father

for a relationship

your mother

is in the habit of

offering more love

than you can carry

your father is absent

you are a war

the border between two countries

the collateral damage

the paradox that joins the two

but also splits them apart

no

it won’t 

be love at

first sight when 

we meet it’ll be love  

at first remembrance cause

i’ve seen you in my mother’s eyes

when she tells me to marry the type

of man i’d want to raise my son to be like 

what am i to you he asks

i put my hands in his lap

and whisper you

are every hope

i’ve ever had

in human form

(Dedicated to Tat)

he says

i am sorry i am not an easy person to want

i look at him surprised

who said i wanted easy

i don’t crave easy

i crave goddamn difficult

i do not want to have you 

to fill the empty parts of me

i want to be full on my own

i want to be so complete 

i could light a whole city

and then 

i want to have you

cause the two of us combined 

could set it on fire 

did you think i was a city

big enough for a weekend getaway

i am the town surrounding it

the one you’ve never heard of

but always pass through

there are no neon lights here

no skyscrapers or statues

but there is thunder

for i make bridges tremble

i am not street meat i am homemade jam

thick enough to cut the sweetest 

thing your lips will touch

i am not police sirens

i am the crackle of a fireplace

i’d burn you and you still

couldn’t take your eyes off me

cause i’d look so beautiful doing it

you’d blush

i am not a hotel room i am home 

i am not the whiskey you want

i am the water you need

don’t come here with expectations 

and try to make a vacation out of me 

i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like

when i am sad

i don’t cry i pour

when i am happy

i don’t smile i glow

when i am angry

i don’t yell i burn

the good thing about feeling in extremes is when i love i give them wings but perhaps that isn’t such a good thing cause they always tend to leave and you should see me when my heart is broken

i don’t grieve

i shatter

i will not have you

build me into your life 

when 

what i want is to

build a life with you

-the difference 

even after the hurt

the loss

the pain

the breaking

your body is still

the only one

i want to be

undressed under

the night after you left

i woke up so broken

the only place to put the pieces

were the bags under my eyes 

i will tell you about selfish people. even when they know they will hurt you they walk into your life to taste you because you are the type of being they don’t want to miss out on. you are too much shine to not be felt. so when they have gotten a good look at everything you have to offer. when they have taken your skin your hair your secrets with them. when they realize how real this is. how much of a storm you are and it hits them.

that is when the cowardice sets in. that is when the person you thought they were is replaced by the sad reality of what they are. that is when they lose every fighting bone in their body and leave after saying you will find better than me. 

you will stand there naked with half of them still hidden somewhere inside you and sob. asking them why they did it. why they forced you to love them when they had no intention of loving you back and they’ll say something along the lines of i just had to try. i had to give it a chance. it was you after all.

but that isn’t romantic. it isn’t sweet. the idea that they were so engulfed by your existence they had to risk break it for the sake of knowing they weren’t the one missing out. your existence meant that little next tot their curiosity of you. 

that is the thing about selfish people. they gamble entire beings. entire souls to please their own. one second they are holding you like the world in their lap and the next they have belittled you to a mere picture. a moment. something of the past. one second. they swallow you up and whisper they want to spend the rest of their life with you. but the moment they sense fear. they are already halfway out the door. without having the nerve to let you go with grace. as if the human heart means that little to them.

and after all this. after all of the taking. the nerve. isn’t it sad and funny how people have more guts these days to undress you with their fingers than they do to pick up the phone and call. apologize. for the loss. and this is how you lose her. 

-selfish

loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself

our backs 

tell stories

no books have 

the spine to 

carry

women of color (this one struck hard)

Signing off

Published by Stephanie Tuttle