Love inspires many feelings, emotions, actions, regrets, and so on.  Love inspires me to throw up in my mouth or to dry heave in general.  However, love can turn into obsession and desperation.  This is when it turns into an addictive relationship.  There are both men and women who suffer from it.  I am willing to bet there are many of you thinking of a friend or even yourself that has or had this type of unhealthy addiction to someone.  What makes someone so desperate for another person?  It far surpasses being in love with them.  It loses the loving portion of the relationship.  It has more to do with the psychological need for keeping that other person at any cost to them.  The person is their drug.  You will do anything for the fix.  

There have been quite a few of my friends that were in toxic or addictive relationships.  However, you cannot help these types of people break the cycle or get out of the relationship until they see the problem in their own mirror.  You try to support your friends through any choice they make because it is their life and not yours in the end.  It is hard to watch from the stands though.  How many times can you have the same pep talk with a certain friend?  How many times does it take for one couple to break up and get back together to realize that their relationship is like a bad movie on a loop?  It reminds me of Albert Einstein's quote about insanity.  He said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

There is one couple I knew where the broad is addicted to the guy.  Lets call them Brad and Angelina.  They dated for several years.  The last several months of their relationship Brad decided he was tired of being the only one to initiate sex between them.  They did not have sex for those last several months when he put his figurative foot down in the bedroom.  Red flag.  Brad broke it off between them.  It's very normal to be upset about losing your partner especially after investing years with them.  Angelina had a bad habit of crying in public though.  That is not ideal for anyone.  People crying make me feel awkward.  They also make me want to hit them.  One movie quote always comes to mind, "Are you crying?  Are you crying?  ARE YOU CRYING?  There's no crying!  THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!"   This continued for several months.  Brad was off doing his thing with other women while she was crying to all of his friends at bars.  He ended up feeling bad and tried to give it another go around with Angelina.  The friends noticed Brad was not himself when he was out with her.  She was a bit of a stick in the mud.  That ride on the merry-go-round blew up pretty quick.  Everyone knew that was going to happen.  Angelina was back to crying in public.  She did that for almost two years.  Brad had fooled around, dated, and had another girlfriend while she probably never even slipped onto a different penis.  A year after their last crash and burn, Brad decided to give Angelina another spin on the wheel.  

They were out to dinner with a big group of friends.  She literally had to be touching him through the entire dinner.  His hand.  His leg.  His arm.  It was as if she thought he would disappear into thin air if she let go of him.  Angelina was glued to his hip, petting his arm with her eyes fixated on him.  It reminded me of the crazy, redhead in 'Wedding Crashers.'  It was pretty clear that she was addicted to Brad.  She never healed her wounds or dependency issues.  She only saw her glass as half empty without him instead of half full.  She only knows how to be a "we" instead of just a "me."  There is no self-esteem in those thoughts.  If it didn't work out after several years and a failed first reconciliation, why would it work now?  Can you evolve if you are still stuck on him?  Are you that desperate for the fix of one man who you are willing to torture yourself all over again?   How many years can you cry over one person?  How much punishment is worth it?  As a friend, you have to sit back and enjoy your bowl of popcorn while it all plays out on the screen again.  Some people need more than a double feature.  

An addiction to someone is not healthy which tips the scale and leaves balance behind.  The majority of people want a partner who can mingle and adapt in a social environment.  The opposite would be the types of people who need a babysitter or act as if they are on a leash.  They cannot go too far from you.  Everyone needs time to themselves or time with their own friends.  When you are married with kids, you need time for you, your husband, and your kids.  You cannot be a mom all the time and neglect yourself and your husband.  People that have this addiction do not understand the rules of balance to healthy relationships.  There has to be balance in a relationship, friendship, marriage, eating, working out, and anything you do in life.  Moderation and balance are the keys in life.  

It is hard for me to understand those types of people's way of thinking in relationships.  I learned a valuable lesson a long time ago that you need to be happy and content with yourself before you can add someone else to your picture frame.  You do not need someone to make you feel complete.  The only person who can truly make you feel whole is yourself.  I feel it goes hand in hand with "me time."   Indulging in an orgasm with yourself is the most intimate you can be with your Miss Lucy.  That is truly loving yourself.  Hell, you should even try hitting a double or triple in the game on your field of play.  Once you are happy and love yourself then you are ready for someone to compliment you in your picture and in your vagina.

A relationship is also give and take between two people which includes the bedroom.  I understand that not everyone is confident or dominant in the bedroom.  If you know your counterpart always initiates sex, you should surprise them and take charge now and then.  Take the reins.  Crack the whip (figuratively or literally).  I am sure the results would be more than arousing.  It could be some of the best sex you had as a couple.  Why?  Because someone broke out of their mold and spiced it up.  It is normal to fall into a routine.  It happens to the best of us.  The key is realizing it and doing something to counteract it.  Never be afraid to color outside of the lines with your partner.  Let your mind be open just like your legs.

 

 

 

Published by Britney Leigh