Sweat drips down my forehead, cocks zoom around me, I'm assaulted by them from all sides and a few hit me in the knee, head, then upper-mid thigh. 

No you haven't just stumbled onto another one of those daddy kink blogs, just me trying to engage you kids with a little "what the hell?!" before we get into the real meat and potatoes of this post. 

I suppose this post does really start with me in that badminton hall. I'm on serious tilt. For those who don't watch MLG gaming then being "on tilt" is basically doing badly once, letting it get to your head then just continuing a vicious cycle of sucking. I lost my first match 0-11, embarassing stuff, the subsequent matches go just as badly and I'm just getting mad. I say "getting mad" a lot, I don't actually mean angry-throw-your-racket-at-your-opponent but just being "on tilt" (I'm aware I just described something using the thing I was trying to describe originally). Then it hits me, I get a little flashback to an art of manliness article (wow, I hear you exclaim, he just managed to get even lamer) about John Rockerfeller. Now I don't really read these most of the time, I didn't really read it this time but I remember a part of it where it said something along the lines of "when john was doing something he didn't like or found his mind wandering he told himself to shut up and work well" now that's a pretty extreme paraphrase but it follows the general gist of the idea. 

I think that's what I've been trying to cultivate recently. Being able to say to myself "shut the fuck up, you aren't doing what you're meant to be doing, stop this bullshit and get to work". Redbeard my mentor for life talks about the timesinks that are social media. it's so easy just to open it up and get absorbed into it. No one goes in expecting to spend hours on it but as soon as you're exposed to it you just sit there and scroll until it either ends or something stops you. What I've done and am trying to do is just realise when I'm not doing what I need to do and lambast myself until I do what I should be doing. 

I don't really go to the gym that much rather I do a lot of bodyweight stuff at home and whilst they say it's not incredible for strength it's okay for maintaining so I just do it. A few weeks ago I started trying to do sets of pushups until failure compared to my usual 20. I did it good for a while but after a week of holidays I find myself not wanting to do them anymore. I finished a set of 20 earlier, got up, realised I was being a bitch then got back down and went to failure. 

We have this little voice in our head that will tell us anything in order to remain comfortable, what I need to do is figure out how to make it shut up. Or perhaps just get to a point where overriding it is easy, otherwise I'm in for a pretty mediocre experience of life. 

Published by Kevin Li