So apparently weed really messes with my brain and since having not smoked it for just under a month now, I am feeling really great these days.

The blame games have been replaced with a feeling of responsibility and hope. I feel much more responsible and in control. I really enjoy feeling good without being dependent on marijuana to feel good about myself. I smoked marijuana since I was 16 years old and am now 24 years old. That’s around 8 years of heavy marijuana smoking. Not only were my lungs fried my brain was too. Just like any drugs my brain became dependent on it to feel good and if the drug was not there I was not feeling well. Like any other drug I also required more money to smoke more and there fore polluted my lungs even further. I don’t miss smoking weed and I feel the major withdrawals have passes. The withdrawals I had included not being able to sleep at all, major depression and severe nightmares. I woke up sweating and panicking on many nights from intense nightmares. I woke up shaking and suicidal , with sever anger at the world. Writing it down here it sounds like I was smoking things way worse than marijuana like cocaine and I wasn’t….. lol .

I am more stable and feel like a much better boyfriend. I am not so paranoid over my girlfriends face book use and I even encourage her to go out and enjoy herself! It feels much better to trust than to be paranoid and jealous. I am now doing my morning meditation every day for 15 minutes like I use and am reading books as well. All things that I use to do when I was sober and not smoking so much dope. I have regained my love and aliveness for life. I enjoy feeling good for no reason at all and am able to help carry my girlfriend to the happy place I am in. No longer do I criticize or have angry outbursts at her either. God I was angry douche bag and I really don’t want to go back. The love I feel for her as increased and she is responding wonderfully by being a much more honest and open person with me. The trust and respect I am giving her is all coming back to me and I love it! The sex has always been great and who knew it could get even better. We are closer than ever and I am even looking for work and not being such a lazy piece of shit.

My wonderful girlfriend still smokes weed (a lot less than she use too) but it doesn’t affect her how it affected me. Weed really messed me up and the withdrawals and severe side affects were very real for me. I am so happy where life is going and that I get to actually provide for my girlfriend and not be such a jealous insecure boyfriend.

Praying really helped us both and I am glad to say I love god and no longer worship the green leaf. I wish for us to have our dreams come true and that we can live a really happy life together. She has been so understanding and has stepped her game up in the relationship to match me. I have stood my ground and acted differently in ways that were initially upsetting to her. Thanks to be being clear headed I am able to speak about issues in a much clearer and more meaningful way . I am able to clearly see how she feels and that she is reacted to the old me and not the new me.

It feels so beautiful how wonderfully we get along together. We don’t argue or fight like we use too and we even go out and do fun things together!! It really is a miracle how less of a piece of a shit I am in such a short period of time. I give credit to the creator and the people he spoke through to help me out through this hellish nightmare.

Thank you creator for answering my prayers , dreams really do come true.

Published by James Jantzen