A darkness surrounds my aura.
A plague surrounds my consciousness.
A sedative controls my body.

Yet rainbows embrace my thoughts.
Those thoughts provoke my actions.
Those actions compliment my thoughts.

Why this urge to understand such emotions, I ask myself.
It won’t bring any good, I tell myself.
But how do I control this feeling, I ask myself.

You’re an over thinker, I tell myself.
I know it won’t, I tell myself.
It is out of your control but you can learn to manage it, I tell myself.

There are two kinds of connotations to this.
Growth and deterioration.
But which holds the greater power?

What one to choose?
Am I choosing to win or lose?
But there is always a win in a loss.

The future cannot be controlled physically but the mind can paint just about anything.
Visualise it, feel it, create it further – just go with it.
Then come back to reality and feel the moment that is in your control.

Control.
What a strong word.
What comes with it – morality or immorality?

Pump, pump, pump goes my mind.
A reoccurring sign that I have reached my limit.
Stop Sina, just stop. It is in your control. Just stop.

Once you stop it will be bright again, I tell myself.
Use it to your advantage, not the other.
There will always be that unusual and frightening feeling that sucks your soul dry. Just be patient.

Just be patient.
For patience brings you strong will.
That strong will, will bring you fruits.

In those fruits, will be seeds.
These seeds will help you grow more.
Keep eating your fruits because then there will be eternal growth.

Just keep growing.
And growing.
And growing.

I promise it won’t stop.
It won’t stop.
It won’t stop. 

Published by Hasina Dabasia | She Can Be