I’m going to take a stroll down memory lane and fill you in on the relationship that helped build me into the woman that I am today. This all began about 10 years ago.

In the Spring of 2006 I was at a friends rap show in “The Duck Room” at a local bar called “Blueberry Hill”. While my friend Preach is performing I’m of course screaming like a soccer mom at her kid’s first game and bobbing my arm up and down trying to look cool. The place was packed so any movement caused you to touch/ bump into someone. While I’m dancing in my own little world I bump into a guy next to me. I of course turn to apologize (because I’m fucking polite) and he looks down at me and says, “You’re good ma.” Oh shiver me timbers…..this had to be one of the sexiest men I had ever seen in my life. He is about 6’1, dark hair, light eyes (the ones that changed colors from blue to green or looked hazel at some angles). How I noticed that in a dark bar is beyond me. I was a little shy back then  so I just smiled and walked away. I of course freaked out to my friend Nikki who tried to get me to talk to him, in which I didn’t end up doing it . The shots  of red-headed sluts apparently did not give me the courage. We headed home and I of course regretted that decision.


A few weeks go by and I get a friend request on MySpace. Yes I said MySpace! Remember those fun days? What was your intro song? Anyways, I’m getting off topic. It was from the hot guy from the show! His name is Joseph, but he went by Jay. He was also a rapper and had several links on his page of his tracks. OMG! He was actually good so I used that as a conversation starter. I messaged him first, “Wow you are so talented, I love the hooks!” “Thanks, I’m glad you feelin it.” Oh I was feelin  it sir. After many messages, he asks for number and calls me instantly. Yes people, there was a time when men ACTUALLY called women instead of texting. His voice was so deep and raspy it made everything sound intense. As we’re talking, someone in the background says something to him and he responds back in Spanish. When I tell you that was the hottest thing I ever heard…. I mean it! I damn near dropped the phone. I instantly asked,  “Ummmmm, was that Spanish?” “Yea.” ” I didn’t know you spoke Spanish.” “Well I am Mexican and Italian” he relied.”Oh my bad, I must not have seen that written on your forehead.” After hours of flirting we decided to go out the next night.


We ended up going to a bar I worked at called Bar Louie. I had them sit us in a cozy corner and date began. We sat in a booth and rather than sit across from me, he scooted around so that he was sitting right next to me. His body was literally touching mine and he smelled divine! I think he was wearing Clear Water and that scent just drove me crazy. The conversation flowed and many laughs were had. I loved that he could be silly and he was really good about eye contact. I was the one that would look away periodically. The dj then arrived and started playing music. Jay starts bobbing his head and then the song Shoulder Lean started. He grabbed my hand and said, “Let me see what you got.” We head to the dance floor…I did my sexy little walk (strutting like I was on America’s Next Top Model) and started moving my hips to the beat. He pulls out a few moves to and holds my hands up like he is presenting me to the world. After a few songs, he grabs my hand and leads me off the floor. We get back to the table and right before I sit, he spins me around, pulls me in close and just gives me the most passionate kiss I’ve had IN MY LIFE! This kiss was so good it literally left me speechless. I don’t know if this was possible, but at that moment I was in love.


Jay was my world. I would do anything for that man and I knew he would do the same for me. There wasn’t a day where we didn’t talk and we saw each other as much as we could. When he wasn’t with me I missed him, butterflies were in my stomach whenever I was around him. I smiled when I thought about him, and he was one of the only people I was comfortable around. I could be as silly as I wanted to be , wear sweats, have a break down, flip out and he still made me feel loved and like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I don’t know if you guys have ever had that feeling, but it is euphoric. I loved this man more than words can even describe.


After about a year and half I was talking to Jay on the phone. He was in Detroit at the time visiting his sister. We were just talking about random things and out of no where he says, “Marry me!” I just laughed and told him to quit playing. His voice got serious and he repeated, ” Marry Me! I know it’s not the same over the phone and I will ask you properly in person but I want to spend the rest of my life you. Please…..Baby…Marry Me!” I grinned like the Cheshire cat and replied, “Of course I will.” I instantly called some of my family and friends and told them the news. I was on cloud 9 and I hadn’t even gotten a ring yet. That’s how you know you’re really in love. The material things don’t matter.


Jay had come back to town shortly after and we were just inseparable. I was in the bathroom doing my makeup and he asked me to turn off the light in the kitchen. I shouted, “Are your legs broken, why can’t you do it?” He replied that he was getting dressed so I stumped to the kitchen and when I flicked the switch down I heard a small clang on the floor. When I looked down I noticed a ring. It had a silver band and a small princess cut diamond. As I pick it up, Jay walks in and gets down on one knee. He didn’t give this long drawn out speech. He simply said, ” I want you Always and Forever. Will you be my wife?” I couldn’t even speak. I just cried and gave him the biggest kiss ever.


A few months go by and we’re just hanging out in our apt. Things have been going smoothly with occasional arguments here and there. It’s a Friday evening and one of my co-workers Katie was moving out of town so they were having a going away party for her. Jay was in a cranky mood and didn’t want to go. It didn’t really phase me and I was going regardless. Before I left, I gave him a quick peck on the lips and tell him that I would see him later.


I go to the party and have the best time with my gals. Although I didn’t want the night to end, I  just wanted to get home to my man. I open the door and don’t see his shoes so I assumed that he is just out with his friends. I go to change and that’s when I notice that some clothes are missing out of the closet. I look down, and all of his shoes are gone. My throat instantly drops to stomach as I quickly start opening drawers, closets, hell I think I even opened the fridge to see if his tea is still there. To my surprise the damn tea was still there but everything else was gone. All of his things were gone. He even took his tooth brush. I started calling his phone probably a hundred times and no answer.


I immediately fell to the floor and started bawling my eyes out. My throat felt tight, I felt short of breath, my entire body ached, and I just felt broken. You’d think I would call someone but I couldn’t even talk. How could he just up and leave like that!? How could he say the things that he said to me, and just hurt me so badly? What did I do? Should I have not gone to the party? Was I not giving him enough attention? Did I let myself go? Am I not lovable? So many questions flooded my mind and I couldn’t come up with an answer for anything. It had to have been me, right? My dad left when I was young and they say you end up with someone like your dad so this was my fate I guess.



Days went by, months, and still no word for Jay. That hurt feeling I had eventually turned into hate.  He literally just vanished off the face of the earth. My way of coping with this was going out and getting crazy drunk. I’m talking FUBAR ( FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION). This wasn’t the smartest because all of that anger I held would just heighten and I would flip out on friends for no reason. Still to this day I question myself how some of them are still friends with me now…shockng. I guess they remembered that at the end of the day, I am a good person. I would go out with guys and dump them before they got a chance to dump me. I trusted no one and at that point expected everyone to hurt me at some point.



Then one night, I took a look in the mirror and I did not like what I saw. I was drunk, my eye shadow was smudged like a raccoon, I couldn’t stand straight, I just looked sad. I like to call that moment my wake-up call. I thought, “Why am I letting this guy do this to me when he isn’t giving 2 shits about me?” It was that moment that I decided to change. I went back to school and I started getting my life back on the right track. I made new friends, I started dating again, and I stopped being so negative and angry. My friends actually enjoyed being around me again and didn’t have to worry about my alter angry ego coming out.


So the moral of the story is, don’t ever let someone defeat you. Nobody should have that much power over you. You’re going to get hurt, shit happens. It’s up to you to learn from it an move on. If someone breaks your heart, it’s not you, it’s probably because they’re an ass hole. It took me awhile to get over this ass hole, but I’m happy with who I am and where I am today. Plus, I get to date as many hot guys as I want and tell all of you about it.

Published by Tara Steward