Some friends introduced me to this dating site called Bumble. It's kind of like Tinder (where you swipe left/right) but not as many whores on there. They have doctors, lawyers, chemist's, and even ASTRONANTS! All I was thinking was, "HELL'S YEA!" I could be the first diva on the moon. Also, the guys can't message you unless you match and YOU message them first. I was all about this because I like being in charge.


So I swipe left, I swipe right!....SWIPER was definitely swiping so Dora can just shut it! Then BING! I matched with someone. Ricky, the handsome school teacher that like's to workout and seems to have his head on straight. I message him first, charm him of course, and BAM... we are meeting for drinks the next night.


I suggested we go to Bugaloo. It's a local bar that has swings at the bar. That's right, SWINGS! Let's Tarzan and Jane in this mother (shut yo mouth)! I introduce myself and greet him with a warm hug. He does the same and the first thing I notice is how feminine his voice is. I think to myself, "Tara, don't be shallow! Who care's if your voice has more bass than his...give this man a chance." We order drinks and begin to converse about interests and the normal first date stuff. As I'm listening to him I start scanning him like I'm the terminator. I notice that he has on a deep V-neck shirt that could be an awesome cleave shirt for me. He is going on about how much he loves to shop and all of his friends are girls. Before I knew it, I asked..."Do you like musicals!?" He smiles big and says "I LOVE THEM! I go to The Muny all of the time." Now I don't think I need to spell it out for you guys, but this man is clearly gay. There's nothing wrong with that, I love my gays! I could also use a new shopping buddy so it could be a match in that aspect.


Before I knew it, questions started flying out of my mouth. " Who's your favorite designer? Do you like Cher? Have you ever watched Will & Grace? If Beyoncé asked you to get in formation, would you? (ok I didn't ask that one).When was your last relationship? Do you like sports?" Although, I don't remember all of the responses, he was clearly not accepting his fate.

The date comes to an end and he walks me to my car. He asked if he could get in for a minute so he could play this song he wants me to hear. I agree and LADIES AND GENTLEMAN....this is the moment I knew that my suspicions were indeed accurate. He plays Emergency by Icona Pop. The beat sounded like something that would be played in a drag show. As I'm listening I notice his hips start moving and then there goes the hands. My mouth dropped as I was thinking, "Ummm sir are you voguing!?" Once he was done putting on one HELL OF A show. I hugged him again and went on my way. Sadly, I did not agree to a second date, but I really hope that he figures out who he is. He will make some man very happy one day.


Published by Tara Steward