Oh, the joys of parenthood. My glorious daughter is almost 8-months-old. She crawls everywhere to explore at a normal pace, faster than the speed of sound to try and catch the pets before they run away from her little grabby hands, she stands up on her own (and falls down on her own), screams the song of her people to let me know she’s happy (it’s kind of like a dying velociraptor mixed with a mandrake), giggles at the sound of a fart or raspberry, and her best friend in the world is the crinkly wipes container – followed closely by that cute baby in the mirror or the cell phone.

This past week, my sweet little bundle of joy went on her first trip with my husband and me to see some family from out of town. What did she learn on this trip? The. Worst. Face. Ever. It’s terrifying. My sweet little innocent angel now looks like she could be the child of Chucky and his bride. She crinkles that nose I gave her, sends her little eyebrows to the sky, opens her eyes all crazy, snarls her little gummy mouth, and snorts like a bull.

Who in the world taught her that?! She thinks it’s the funniest thing in the entire world. Literally. She will laugh so hard she falls over and cries. I cannot even. It is the thing of nightmares. Literal nightmares, I had one last night. I woke up in a sweat and looked like the crypt keeper myself.

This phase too shall pass, but for now, it is the bane of my entire existence.

It’s haunting me. It’s around every corner. Lurking. I go to the kitchen. I hear those little hand smacks as she crawls up behind me. I turn. Boom! There’s the face of death. I have a heart attack, she laughs until she pees. I go to the bathroom. She follows me, like babies do. Smack, smack, smack. Boom! There it is again. I can’t get away!

Little face of evil is what it is. It’s awful. I loathe it. It’s going to stick to that beautiful face I spend 9 months slaving to make. I blame it on her father. It’s always his fault somehow, right?

In all seriousness, someone tell me again why babies do such horrible things to their loving parents? I love my little princess, but this face has got to go. 

Published by Audrey Jo