I haven't felt much like blogging lately. I'll get to why that is in a moment. What I've learned is that sometimes you have to give that mushy thing in your chest that goes thump thump some extra breaks to get through tough times. It has been a struggle as of late to come here and write uplifting posts.

On July 21st, I went to work early. There was a meeting with my boss simply called "Scheduling" with no further information and requests for details were not answered until I sat within his office. The HR lady was there. I remember wondering if it was some sort of sick joke or if I had entered an alternate reality. The words they were saying did not make sense. My job no longer existed. 

What was my first action upon receiving the news? I held the door for the HR lady. I felt bad for her because she was extremely new to the organization and being asked to tell people such things as her first duties. Plus, that's just who I am. It wasn't her fault after all.

My next action was to go to my desk, try to keep it together, fail, and burst into tears. My friends helped me gather my things and bring them to my car. The next little while was a blur. I think I did some errands like pick up a package and get my oil changed because it was due and whether or not I had a job didn't change the fact that cars need oil or their engines seize. I went home and began cutting some expenses like Netflix, like ultra high-speed internet. 

Where was I last week? I felt a little scared. Good things had been happening in the writing sense. I signed my first contract, but it's hardly enough to live off. I applied to EI and filed my first report. I applied to jobs, of course. I continued editing my erotica novel for submission to another potential press. I'm not eligible for other government aid in terms of going back to school. Many of my certifications are widely out of date, so are not helpful in the job market. With more free time, I have seen so much more of my friends and my city. I got connected to the local employment center, and have a job coach who is supposed to help me get employed again. I regularly email him about jobs that interest me and will be meeting with him again on the 12th.

This week, I signed up to start French courses in the fall because French is important in this part of the country and I love living here. I attended a job search workshop for tips on the hidden market and realized that though I regularly blog about my fiction writing, I never talk about my experience with business writing, so I'm working to remedy that on a new blog. I can't very well expect employers to believe I have skills without demonstrating my experience, can I?

I'm forging ahead on the novel, might have an interview, and have several short story opportunities to look forward to. Whatever comes from this period of my life, I'm enjoying parts of it. I have more time for writing, loved ones, and exploring.

Now and then I break down and cry. It is a scary and stressful thing not having a job. It doesn't really help to know that I wasn't the only one laid off that day. It doesn't change how unstable my life has become. Prior to this, I felt as though I was high up on Maslow's Pyramid and now the foundation may be crumbling. I wonder if I was taking things for granted previously. Was I as grateful for my life as I should have been? 

I don't let myself get too deeply entrenched in the worry and sadness. The way out isn't down there. I push on, trying to find the way back to the path. This is just a detour because that part of the road has a blockage. It is temporary. I know things will get better. Maybe the new path is the one I belong on.

It's time to get back to job applications and novel writing. Whatever you may be struggling through, I hope you find the strength to keep fighting it and find what you are striving for on the other side.

Published by Raeanne Roy