It was a normal day until suddenly it wasn’t. I was in a tornado in my mind and no one could stop me, most defiantly not me. I was on a vacation in New Zealand to see some loved ones when my mind took over my well being. I couldn’t speak properly I was speaking a mile a minute and could not get my train of thought out into a cohesive sentence. All I wanted was to spend my vacation with the man I loved. I couldn’t make up my mind on anything so we were like sitting ducks unable to move from room to room. Finally my family stepped in and took me away to a cottage, hoping this would help but it did not. I was an utter control freak about everything. The one thing I could do was shower so I took multiple showers, baths you name it, it was a part of me that I could control. I was left imaging when I would see him again and if I ruined our chances together. I kept seeing him in the corner of my eye ready for him to make some announcement but that never came. I was left aching for his arrival. I couldn’t sleep I was hyper and had a huge amount of adrenaline so I would take walks and wander the property. This became concerning to my family when I could not sit still and I literally said whatever was on my mind, which was not very like me. The next step was to take me back to shore and recoup as they called it. Next thing you know I’m being driving in the direction of a hospital. I see a red light so I jump for it, literally out of the car sprinting down the road. I’ve been in a mental ward before and let me tell you it is not a place I wish anyone to be. My family immediately turned the car around and came and got me, I told them I just wanted to go home so that is exactly where they brought me. An hour later an ambulance showed up at the front door claiming they wanted to check out my broken ankle (and yes I had a broken ankle when I ran out of the moving car). I obliged because it seemed like a pretty legit reason. Next thing you know I’m moving from one room to the next. Finally I land in my own bedroom which seems sweet and I’m put on a routine where I wake up, take my meds, shower, have breakfast, do activities, socialize and repeat until bed time. This is supposed to put me back into society and help me lead a normal routine life. I call bullshit. I feel like I’ve been captured and placed into a bad dream. I just want my life back and to hit rewind on my vacation that went downhill the minute I had a manic episode. But that’s the thing you can’t go backwards your forced to go forward, and I’m hopeful that if I stay on my meds I will remain in queue with the rest of the world aching for a chance to be set free again and experience the adventures of the world.

Published by Shann Steffan