“I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind”-Edgar Allen Poe “and all I loved, I loved alone”- Edgar Allen Poe. I choose these quotes because that’s how felt at that moment when the “switch” was flipped.This story is about my downfall with depression and suicide attempt.This is my story of my downfall to the cruelty of my mind.I wrote about what lead up to it , what happened and what happened at the hospital . My downfall was not like many.I had been depressed for several years I’ve been on and off anti-depressants and I was suicidal .You can usually see the signs of suicide in people but that day December 18 Friday ,my sophomore year the end of the first day of finals, I was happy. I was happy all day. We got out early I and my friends went to Mcdonalds to eat then we all went home. Once I got home I hung out for a while until my mom got home we ate dinner. While she was making food for Saturday family lunch. I really didn’t know what I was doing until I realized that I had just downed all of my sleeping medication. I went to my mom crying telling her I was sorry and I didn't know what I had just done.All she said was get in the car. She didn’t say anything the whole way to the hospital except “don’t fall asleep”. I could see the tears starting to form in her eyes. Which made me cry even more.When we got to the hospital it was about 9pm. I was put into a room and made to drink activated charcoal which is disgusting. It is a liquid but once I swallowed it, it dried and I couldn’t breathe. It was so terrible.I threw up some of it put they kept me there in the bed for awhile. In that time my sister came with my nephew which made me cry more.I fell asleep for awhile. Then I woke up and they said they were going to transfer me to Bryan west hospital to go to the teen mental ward they have there.I rode In the ambulance to the hospital. When we got there my mom, sister and nephew were there. My mom checked me in.I was still throwing up black charcoal. They made us say goodbye at that point I was crying again.They showed me to a room with two bed here was a girl in one the other was empty. I was going to stay in that room then they moved me. I was in a room with two beds. I was all by myself again. I cried myself to sleep that night.  Every fifteen minutes they would check the rooms to see if you were sleeping. In the morning they woke me up and took my blood pressure and vital signs. They told me breakfast was at eight and that I was to get ready when I got out to the dining hall everyone stared at me, they had assigned seats I found my name and I sat there waiting for something to happen. After breakfast there were groups, we had a group where all the patients were at and they talked about goals we had for they day and how we were the usual questions people ask. After we had room time where we could go back to our rooms and just do whatever. Then was tiny groups which made up of your age group. That went on for a couple of days till the head doctor came and asked me how I was doing and asked if I was okay to go home, of course, I said yes knowing I wasn't better at all but it was around Christmas time and me wanting to be with my family ,I  said yes. Later that day my sister was able to come and pick me up. Once outside which I hadn't seen in 4 days was cold and strange feeling. It was weird being able to wear shoes because in there you weren't allowed shoes or anything you could harm yourself with. when I got home it was weird being in my room everyone was there just waiting and watching me to say or do something I just we to my room and fell asleep and after two days everyone pretend it didn't happen so did I."I do not suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it"- Edgar Allen Poe.I am still fighting and I don't want to lose.

Published by Kimberly Padron