Keep smiling, keep laughing, keep making jokes, make sure the people around you are always happy. These are things I repeat to myself on a daily basis. I have always been the friend known for making people laugh, the one that's always there to put a smile on someone's face, or the one who's always happy. And let me tell you, it's freaking exhausting. Don't get me wrong I love being able to be that person for someone, but sometimes I just need to be able to have a bad day, a sad moment, or just cry without someone thinking there's something wrong with me. I feel like I always have to be "on" all the time when I'm around my friends and even family. Like I always have to play the same character every time and it sucks .I'm tired of always having to be happy. Yes, most of how I'm perceived is my own fault; I give in to the awkward pauses, and feel the need to fill the silence.

There are times though where I need to be myself. The person who jokes around and is always smiling is a PART of me, but that's not ALL of me. Feeling like you can never break character is one of the worst feelings, because you can never truly be yourself around anybody let alone those you love. It's a constant battle with yourself that ultimately leads to your breaking point.

I hit my breaking point yesterday and now that other part of me, the one I don't allow anyone to see is written all over my face. So now I guess I'm going to have to start reading a new script where all my parts come together to make a better me

Published by Emily-Ann Luna