Originally posted in Filipino some time in September 2008 (Imagine how young I was at that time)

1. Women are generally paranoid. It’s in our nature. If you do not want your woman to be inquisitive or dig deeper, don’t let anything slip from your tongue or even imply the possibility of something especially, if there’s really nothing and if you’re not prepared for a fight.

2. Women love to dissect situations. We are like litigators! We will be very critical of the situation in order to gather all evidences against you. Our senses are active and are always up and running. Do not let women have the opportunity to catch you in a situation that you cannot escape from.

3. Bottomless Sources. Men won’t believe how resourceful a woman could get. We can make your closest buddies spill the beans without them knowing how deep a trouble they’ve placed you into. The catch is, there’s no pressing them in doing so, it’s like they’ve voluntarily hand it to us without ifs and buts.

4. Your “women friends” are not on your side. Inasmuch as you think that your women friends will stick with you up to the most illicit affairs you’ve been making, I am sorry to bust your bubble but you’re mistaken. Women have ways to communicate. Their loyalty will be up to not revealing anything verbal but their actions and reactions generally speak for themselves; a big revelation that men won’t realize even happening. Ever heard of girl power?

5. Women are great pretenders. We can pretend that we do not know anything. We can play dumb. Sometimes, when a woman is quiet, she is either brewing it even more or is just waiting for the right time to unleash her ultimate powers. As the saying goes, “Timing is everything” and besides, karma is just around the corner, there’s no need to rush.

6. Stuttering is everything. One of the basic mistakes men do is to stutter. Sometimes, there isn’t even any cheating involved but WTF, why do men talk like they’ve swallowed their tongues! The white lies that shouldn’t even be a big deal would now become like World War III because men can’t just speak clearly when asked. It seems like you’ve always got something bad to hide. Why so nervous all the time?

7. When women asked a question, answer right away. The more you beat around the bush, the harder the questioning becomes. When a woman asked, answer at once. Showing her like you were thinking of the best answer reveals the possibility of lying and when women doubt, they have tendencies to immediately conclude. You won’t like it when we conclude because most of the time, our conclusions are correct.

8. Be careful of the evidence. Don’t be stupid. Don’t just leave your phones lying around especially when there’s another party who can’t get enough of your texting. Don’t get relaxed in front of your women who “play” dumb. Women are not stupid. We even have a record of your unexplained disappearances. We are just being #5.

9. Do not turn your phone off. If you’ve decided to become a chronic cheater, at least buy a second phone, not like cheapos who just replace his simcard. When you’re a philanderer, be willing to spend. You don’t know how much time women can spend dialing a phone that’s been turned off. We won’t be able to stop until the time that you finally reopened it and you will be caught unprepared because as usual, you will stutter and beat around the bush.

10. If what you’re doing is legit, everything has to be out in the open. Yes, a woman won’t ask about everything, but if she asks, be ready to answer. Women are keen observant especially about how your stories tally with each other. Men would think that women don’t remember every single bit of their stories but you are definitely mistaken. We know how many times you’ve changed your story, even after a year or two. I mean, it doesn’t have to be about cheating. It’s basically about lying and creating stories that do not make you trustworthy.

11. Please be careful in sending SMS. This is one of the most important things men ought to remember. It is advised to sharpen your sms skills especially when you’re playing with names that rhyme. This advice is not to tolerate your philandering, but to avoid your making a fool out of your girlfriend. Because generally, when you sent an SMS incorrectly and the girlfriend confronts you about it, men usually create some stories like women only imagine it despite the evidence of the lies. We just don’t want you to stoop so low into twisting reality vs. lies.

12. Don’t get caught in a Freudian slip. When you accidentally reveal your subconscious feeling, it is sometimes associated with the names your subconscious is thinking. So if you don’t want to encounter an exaggerated investigation or if you’re not yet ready to get busted, be alert at all times.

13. Lastly, women can really pretend to be asleep. Just when you think that you can finally relax with your cheating because your wife or girlfriend is finally asleep and you can resume to your whispering calls or chats with your other woman, you definitely got it all wrong. Women can really pretend to be asleep (or even play dead if necessary). Women are good at what they do; please do not undermine our espionage capabilities. Also, men have this weird habit of bragging their escapades to friends thinking that the wife or girlfriend is asleep. Men should really be careful getting caught at that because women, even if they’re really asleep are also light sleepers especially those who are moms already.

Edit (Dated: 02 October 2016)

This list is not really to advise men on how to cheat women because these points are kind of known facts. It is just to reiterate that women are not dumb. We know what you’re up to. Sometimes, confrontations are not being done for the following reasons:

1.      Women are kind and forgiving, in general

2.      Some are waiting for the right timing

3.      Prayerful women tend to pray about it and leave it at that

4.      Some are not emotionally ready for big fights

5.      Some are not emotionally ready to end it

6.      Some have kids to consider

This list merely states that women are not ignorant. We may have different reasons why we stay, but at least give us the credit. Women may not bust cheating men because of the reasons above but that doesn’t mean that we are unaware. Some may not be ready to take an action with regard to their cheating men but don’t worry, they will be ready; someday, somehow. Cheating men just got to wait.

Published by Maria Clara