I realized yesterday what day was

Ahead of me, and I was afraid that

I won't be able to sleep at night,

Because I'm never able to keep the

Nightmares at bay when I think of you,

But I didn't see you yesterday, even

Though my sleep was fitful, even

Though the anticipation of seeing you

Gave me a panic attack each time I

Woke up in the middle of the night,

But I didn't see you, because you are

Gone, you no longer exist, not for me,

And yet you do, you exist in the panic

Attacks that become frequent around

This time of the year, you exist in the

Fear I have to endure of facing you,

Even though I know I'll never have to,

But you exist, and yes, it's stupid to

Think about you when you're no longer

A part of my life, when you no longer

Have the power to hold my hand one

Minute, and constrict my throat the

Other, but you exist, you exist in the

Way my throat can still feel like

You're constricting it, you exist in the

Way I look in people's faces, and see

Them constricting my throat, and you

Exist in the way I panic when I can't

See in people's faces their hands

Constricting my throat.

 

So, what do I have to do to make you

Not exist any longer?