I've been contemplating writing a post about my experience with anxiety for quite sometime now. Not to whine or complain, but to simply let you know, that if you also suffer from anxiety, you are definitely not alone.

anxiety;
noun
  1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
     

There's feeling anxious, and then there's having actual anxiety. In 2009 I was diagnosed with social phobia, which meant I felt intense fear when it came to answering the phone, meeting new people, and being around crowds. Even one on one conversations became nauseating. In that year I was also diagnosed with major depression, and insomnia. That's a whole different post right there. At first anxiety was just something that was a little annoyance in my life. It made doing simple things difficult, but that was about it. Over the years my anxiety grew, as I got more and more responsibilities, and things started to get harder for me. I started having panic attacks, not frequent, just when things got a bit too much. My anxiety grew, and eventually every single thing I had to do was nearly impossible.

Anxiety for me is the same feeling when you realised you have lent too far back on a chair, and there's not going back. It's that split second where your chest feels tight and you lose your breath. Imagine that, but rather than a split second, it's constant. That's what it's like for me, however it's different for each person. So far I haven't found anything that really helps with it, other than focusing on breathing. So from social phobia, my anxiety has slowly morphed into generalised anxiety, meaning that nearly everything I do causes me to feel extremely anxious. Included writing and posting these posts! Believe it or not. That's why I love feedback so much. It shows me that theses posts are in fact helping people.

As for when I'm at work, while I still have crippling anxiety, it helps that what I do, if anything goes wrong there is ALWAYS a way to fix it, so anxiety doesn't really come into work. I've also taught myself to not feel such a strong anxious feeling while I'm in a working environment, as I know I have things to be done, and anxiety simply gets in the way. However, when it comes to confrontation and other things that no one likes, I do get shaky and nervous, but I won't let myself deal with it until I actually get home. Which is also where insomnia comes in, however once again, that's a whole different story. Of which, if you want, I will write about.

I get told frequently that I should just 'get over' feeling anxious, and that it's not a 'godly' feeling. While I am a Christian, anxiety doesn't have anything to do with that, it's a completely different thing. I've had this disorder since I was a child. It's not just because I chose to feel like this, if I did, then I wouldn't feel like this all the time, which is something that should really be common knowledge. I've been off medication for anxiety for a couple of years, as I felt like it numbed me. However, as of right now, I am contemplating medication again. It's just about finding the right one, but I won't go into that.

Anxiety isn't something to be ashamed of, it's not something that people can properly control either, so if you're one of the people that tell others that anxiety is an excuse, or if you tell people to simply get over it, please just stop. That doesn't help. There was an excellent article about what people with GAD feel like. I recommend reading it, so you can understand what it's like.