depression
noun
  1. feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
     

Depression has always been a massive part of my life, and I’ve always wanted to write a post about my experience with living with depression, however I’ve never really known how to express my thoughts about it. So, I figured I would do what I always do. Just type my stream of consciousness and see where we go.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 14 (2009). I’m not too sure what sparked by depression, however I think it was because by this stage, I had struggled with anxiety for so long, and that was really getting me down. When I was first diagnosed, I was encouraged to try different medications to help me control my feelings, and also to help me to sleep. I tried several different medications over the years, and I’ve only found one that’s worked for me this year. That’s a long time to try different medications. For three years from 2012 to 2014 I stopped taking medication altogether, and I quickly discovered that I was finding it a lot harder to not only sleep, but wake up in the morning, and just functioning as a human being altogether. After coming back home from Sydney in 2014, I decided to go back onto medication and struggled, once again to find medication that helped me. And now in 2016, I take medication that is helping me feel normal, as well as seperate medication to help with my anxiety. For a while I was strongly against allowing medication to help my mental health, however my depression got too bad to handle, and found that it helped, and it was just a matter of finding a medication which doesn’t have any bad side effects. Cause believe me, I’ve been there.

Depression can be different to everyone. To me, it’s like when you have a cold, and can’t quite remember how it feels to be able to breathe properly again. However it’s hard to remember what happiness feels like at times. However, sometimes you’re really happy, but for me, there’s always like a cloud over my head, where I feel I can’t get too happy, because I’m just going to crash again. Which isn’t ideal, but after a while, it became normal for me. Depression makes the simplest things hard, and existing felt nearly impossible. However, now while I still have clinical depression, it’s much more manageable to live with, with the help of medication, and therapy over the years. See, life is fun!

A difficult thing about having diagnosed depression, is the stigma behind it. I’m constantly told I should liven up, or I’m just going through a tough time. 8 years seems like a pretty tough time to me. That was a joke. Having depression isn’t something you should be ashamed of, however, it also shouldn’t be romanticised. If you have depression, I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s millions of us that have it. You can learn to live with it, or you can learn to beat it. Which is something I’m struggling with.

I’m with you.

Published by Jenna Craine