I started seeking therapy about 2 1/2 months ago. I had reached the point that I knew I needed help. I went for help related to PTSD, depression, and anxiety due to one specific event a year ago. I wanted to focus on that because that is what consumes my thoughts and buries itself in every crevice in my mind. 

As a mental health nurse, I'm used to asking those hard questions to my patients. My patients come in for a wide variety of reasons, but I always ask about abuse and any traumatic events in their childhood or past in general. 

It threw me for a loop,though, when I was asked the same. Then they fixated on that. 

They found out about other things in my life that they wanted to ask about. The most specific being rape. 

No one in my family knows I was raped. My husband knows, a few close friends know, but that is it. Rape is such an unspoken thing in this time and age. I shouldn't be ashamed to admit I was raped, right? That's what we tell our rape survivors who come forward. We tell them it is not their fault, we tell them that they are so brave for telling their story and for seeking justice. 

I never sought justice; I never told anyone. I let my rapists go free without as much as smearing their name. Why? I was afraid of what my parents would say, my family, my friends, my classmates, the community. Everyone. If I would have came forward, everyone would know. Everyone would have something to say. Yes, there would be those that would be supportive of me. But then there would be those slurring my name. 

I went into therapy to help me. And, yes, I feel like I've had help so far. I've been started on medications that are helping tremendously. I can finally sleep without overwhelming nightmares. I can go days to weeks at a time without flashbacks. But after my session yesterday, I'm flashing back to my rape, among other things.  

Too many bad memories were brought up. 

I wish that in this day and age a woman could come forward and tell someone she was raped without having to worry about the repercussions SHE will have to endure at the hands of society. When will the stigma with rape end?

Published by Nurse D