I have been very quiet almost my entire life on how my biological mother has physically and mentally abused me. I am not writing this to get attention or to humiliate my mother. I am writing this because I am so tired of people who do not know the full story that want to post on my Facebook and defend her. When I first started my blog and I told the truth and not even every bit of it; I was cussed out by my mother and her husband. I was cussed out and told to take it down or she would take me to court. I never once said a bad word about my mom. Bottom line what she did shaped me into the person I had become but thankfully no longer am. Bottom line I saw that as her past, her mistakes and not who she was. Bottom line I saw this as a way to help other people that have/had gone through what I did. No family is perfect. I am not saying my family was/is horrible. I know I could have had it a lot worse and I know people do. All I have ever wanted to do was to help people so maybe they wouldn’t let what happened affect them so much or I could help them move past it.

Our last big splat all started because I had called her by her first name on occasion. In my mind I have two mothers, sort of three. This irritates my mother to know end. The first is my biological mother, the second is my step mother and the third is a woman that used to be my step mother but has always been by my side constantly even if its just an ear to lend. The last time we talked, my biological mother told me she thought it was disrespectful that I had on occasion called her by her first name. In my mind, this would only occur if I was talking to someone about my mothers and would say their first name so they knew which person I was talking about. I also only ever called her by her first name if I was calling out to her and she wouldn’t respond so I would call out her first name. My biological mother called my grandma and threw a fit and even commented on a Facebook post of mine and was rude because it was in reference to my step mother.

My biological mother wrote me a letter, which I did read but, it was of course, all about her. She went on to say that I blame her for everything, not to reach out her to until I can get past all of her mistakes, she told me I was a very ugly person and many others in my family saw the same but she was the only one who would say it to me, etc. First off, I do not blame her for anything. She is the reason I became who I was because I let what she did to me affect me way more then I should have. I should have pushed it off and not let it bother me but unfortunately it bothered me very much. I forgave her but my mind will never let me forget everything. Second, I have put her mistakes in my past and do not treat her differently because of them. The problem is that she keeps doing things repeatedly that show me she hasn’t changed and never will. Third, for her to call me an ugly person really makes me sick to my stomach. I know the past year or so I wasn’t myself. I was battling depression, anxiety, and bi polar but had no idea up until the end of last year. I made mistakes, I learned from them, I know how to deal with my symptoms, I am on medication. To me I wasn’t myself. I would never call anyone “an ugly person” when battling through something so horrible. I am not a perfect person but I am not what she calls me either. If back then she would have told me that I would have let it eat away at me and break me down even more then I already was. Thankfully I have become a lot stronger and hateful words don’t affect me as much as they did.

Ever notice the quote when you first get onto my site, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life,” That is how I feel about the last few years of my life. I am rebuilding and becoming a better person. I am learning about apart of myself I never knew existed. Learning I was bipolar, had depression and had anxiety explained so much. I have also learned to keep toxic people out of my life as they will only bring me down and I do not want that.

Whats funny is my mother had pushed me to call other people dad that weren’t my dad. I still remember the last time she did this. My mother is ok with my siblings and I calling another man dad but she isn’t ok with us calling another woman mom. It is really confusing right. I am not going to allow my family to bully me any longer. I am not going to let my family tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. This is my life and I want to be happy. I also think everyone has their own definition of what is respectful and what isn’t. Just because you disagree doesn’t make you right or them wrong. Sadly, that means not having my biological mother or my biological father in my life. However, I have an amazing dad that adopted me and an amazing step mother. I am blessed.

I know I will get a ton of backlash from my family when posting this. To my cousins, aunts, uncles whoever reads this. You did not grow up, deal with what I did, you did not see everything; you saw the story that was told to you. You saw what people let you see.

This battle with my biological mother and I has been going on for years. Recently, I tried reaching out letting her know she could still have a relationship with her grandchildren and she still to this day hasn’t responded. At least I can say I tried. I am exhausted with trying to have a relationship. To my family members who may read this and have bullied me, put me down and name called you can reach out to me if you ever want the full story and every detail.

Published by Cassandra Workman