I never thought that running one's own business would be this hard. As I sit here I begin to have those negative doubts in my mind that are telling me no one is going to purchase anything from me and no one will be interested in what I have to offer but I can't allow those thoughts to define who I am and what I am trying to do. I have only been doing this for a few weeks (if that) I have to learn to center myself and have patience.

 

It's crazy how stress and anxiety can creep into your life and make you doubt yourself. I want to do something different and stepping out on faith is as different as I can be. I have lived on a fixed income all of my life and jumping out of this safety net into a world that I know little about is THE most SCARIEST thing I have EVER done before, but who said that trying new things would be easy. When you want something in life you have to be willing to make changes and sacrifice certain things. I want to change, I want to change in my life, my finances, my lack of career goals. I want to have more things in life than I have now... I WANT TO LIVE!

 

I could never understand how the mind can cause you to fear yourself and cause one to not do the things that they love and would want to do to be successful and remembered in life. Now being someone who suffers from anxiety and depression I understand this completely. I understand how spending to much time alone can cause your mind to play tricks on you, how to much time alone can cause one to think the unthinkable which can then paralyze one to actually living life. I am 41 years of age and I am nowhere near where I have dreamed of being in my life and honestly I have no one but myself to blame.

 

Horrible decisions and disastrous relationships lowered my self-esteem and then on top of that my body developing illnesses that caused my face to be distorted into someone I didn't recognize for years. Changing my eyes and the structure of my face to where I had to reLive my life as someone else and as myself at the same time. I was still the same me on the inside but due to my outside looking so foreign I lost love and respect for myself and I begin to settle for things and individuals that didn't know or deserve my worth and now that I am ready to step back into reality and live life for me. I have to admit that it is the scariest thing I have ever done. Upon thinking about doing it I was fine didn't seem that hard or scary but now that I am knee deep in it I have to admit that my nerves are a little rattled...

 

BUT...

 

As I have said before... I am NOT doing this for anyone else! I am not doing this to try to get ANYONE to join my team or force someone to do what I am doing... I am doing this for me and well if that isn't good enough then I don't know what else to say to those who may not agree... I feel like if it is meant for me to grow in this company than showing off what I am accomplishing for myself should and will be enough to make those who want what I have and want to accomplish what I have accomplished (and still are) come to me. I am NOT going to stress myself by overworking myself with anything...

 

Just a Rant...

#SQ

#Namaste'

 

 

 

 

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