Anniversaries. What are the first ones that come to mind?

Typically birthdays, relationships, weddings, and deaths.

There's another one in my life as a birthmom. The day that my daughter went home with her adoptive parents - placement. Ten days after her birthday. 

The three hardest days of the year for me are Mother's Day, her birthday, and her placement anniversary. 

Those days have been getting easier as I go through more of them. But her last placement anniversary was so achingly difficult. I think moreso than last year because of the news I got from my gynecologist. 

I was told that I have PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome). For those of you who don't know what that is, PCOS is a condition in which a woman's levels of the sex hormones estrogen and progesterone are out of balance. This leads to the growth of ovarian cysts (benign masses on the ovaries). Symptoms [can] include menstrual irregularity, excess hair growth, acne, and obesity. Treatments include birth control to regularize periods, a medication called metformin to prevent diabetes, statins to control high cholesterol, hormones to increase fertility, and procedures to remove excess hair. 

Because of menstrual cycles being irregularity, having children can be difficult. So that kind of scares me. I don't know what will happen when it comes time to have kids in the future. Will I be able to go back to relying on an app to keep track of and predict my periods like I did before? Or will I end up having to rely on using hormones to make it easier to conceive? 

It was just a lot to take in that day. So I've been kind of just trying to let things go. I don't need to worry about what I need to do to have kids yet cause I'm not anywhere near ready for that. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. 

Just be careful when you talk about how easily you got pregnant around other birthmoms, or women in general, because you don't know who else is dealing with something like PCOS/infertility or is just completely unable to have children. 

Published by Katy Nicole