So this is my review of going out last night. I never really do this, I remember I did it once a few years ago at struan, one night I thought about how well I did that day socially and how I could improve, perhaps it is incredibly autistic of me but whatever if it makes me have a better time I'm all for it. 

I definitely had an incredible time last night, I think it was just because I was able to let go, freedom from outcome as Redbeard discusses, I didn't have any of those awkward teen crushes so I could just fuck around as I pleased, to not have investment in anything and do as I wished was liberating. 

I think my tendency to move between groups is the worst and best part of it all, that as the conversation gets stale I can just run off and have more fun with the next group but it also means that yeah you don't build up real rapport, can I be bothered talking to only one or two people for a whole 4 hours? who knows probably not.

Mostly it was just self amusement - being able to find joy in things I did, I sat lying down looking at the sky just laughing to myself at how absurd it all was and how cool it could all be and that was probably more enriching than anything else. 

I'm not sure whether the whole experience was down to substances or rather that it just naturally sprung out, double blind placebo tests to discover the true source would be fun but I think it just comes naturally now, being able to instantly build rapport and make jokes with strangers is just an incredible skill. Even buying drink yesterday having incredible laughs with the supermarket attendents pumped up my state and then it just continued in this cycle of winning. 

Published by Kevin Li