I flipped someone the bird while stuck in bumper to bumper traffic the other day—and I hate to say it but I didn’t expect it to feel so good! I was sitting in my car listening to music and incessantly checking my phone for notifications (I admit that) when I keep hearing someone just LAYING in on their horn. I look around and assess the situation and decided that this car couldn’t possibly be beeping at me. Other than maybe a car's length worth of space in front of me I didn't note any major violations that would cause someone to beep at me so frantically as if I were about to run over their mother or something. 


So I went back to my business without bothering to move up because everyone knows that in heavy traffic tailgating is just plain stupid. However, I continue to hear the horn. I just so happen to glance up into my rearview mirror and notice the man in the SUV behind me is going to town on the thing, while angrily mouthing things and gesturing at me. As it turns out, allowing the small space in front of me was indeed a major violation to this dude and he was going to let it be known. The rage that washed over me in that moment made me so glad I don't own a gun. I always thought those stories about extreme road rage were so stupid, but at this point I understood it. My middle finger shot up as if it had a life of its own—and I no longer understand why we only use one finger, I need an entire fist! Nay, my entire body to express my rage and send the message that the person can go kindly go fornicate themselves.


I wanted to calmly place the car in park, unbuckle my seatbelt, exit my vehicle, walk slowly and purposefully up to his window and place my middle finger firmly against his driver's side window. Then I wanted to climb on the hood of his car, brace my body against the windshield, look him in the eyes and scream "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck Yooooooooou!!!!!" However, logic and safety won out over impulse and I remained seated in my car, seething and cursing under my breath. It was only later on that I had to ask myself where exactly had all of this anger originated? I may be the type of cowardly driver that mutters insults under my breath, but never have I ever given someone the finger.


Here is what I think-- the world is full of assholes and that is all there is to it. Driving in my car people cut me off, beep their horns impatiently, drive slowly as if they are the only person on the road, steal parking spaces, the list goes on! While walking people walk on my heels, walk diagonally in front of me as if I don't exist, shut doors in my face and make the fucking right turn anyway when I'm on the crosswalk with a walk signal—there are no rules anymore! Common courtesy is a thing of the past and I find myself genuinely shocked when a stranger says “thank you” or even makes eye contact.


I just want to escape! I’d love move underground and grow my own crops and raise my daughters to be ignorant of the rudeness of the world and to cherish the joy and simplicity of life. Then I remember that orchid I killed a few weeks ago, and my love for telling the kids to “shut up” when they get on my nerves and I realize that folks like me are probably a part of the problem. Is it truly in my head, or does it seem like people really possess a general lack of respect for others these days?



Published by Whiskey blog.whiskeyandpoetry.com