I got married last year. It was perfect. I have absolutely no idea why I spent so much time and energy worrying and making myself miserable over it, because it couldn't have worked out any better. It probably was the most amazing day of my life so far. So why was I so miserable for 7 months afterwards? 

We've all known that feeling when something you've been looking forward to is over. The feeling that everything's gone flat. It happens every year at Christmas, when you've opened all of your presents and you've overeaten and you're sat watching crappy TV specials, and it happens every year on your birthday when you're curled up with the hangover from hell the next morning. For me, it didn't happen the morning after the wedding, because I was still on a high. I was majorly hungover so I couldn't enjoy the breakfast, but it was nice seeing all of the guests again before they went home. I even felt fine when we got home, because we had cards and presents to open. Once that was all done and dusted, it started. 

It picked me back up again when the next day we were invited to my mother in law's to watch the videos and look at her photos she'd taken. But I was suddenly back to feeling low again shortly after. The same happened a few days later when we stayed at a fancy spa hotel as a celebratory treat - that was amazingly exciting and fun, but I was gutted to be going home the next morning. The week after the wedding went far too quickly, and the next thing you knew, I was back at work being asked about how it was and did I enjoy myself etc etc, and all I could think was "Shut the hell up, reminding me that it's over is making me want to cry my eyes out" - but that's obviously not an acceptable answer. 

Our professional photos were ready a month or two later, which again, cheered me up for a while, but after that, I got the sense that now it really was all over. There was literally nothing left to come out of it, and I ended up getting even more depressed. It even got to the point where it would actually upset me to look through them. 

Another thing that made it so difficult for me to snap out of my post wedding misery was that there were a number of weddings going on at work this year, so all of the excitement towards my wedding had, quite rightly so, gone. And while a year before, I was looking forward to feeling all smug that my wedding would be over with and I no longer had any of the stress, I found myself comparing my wedding to theirs and wishing I'd done things how they were doing theirs, and how I knew they were going to look so much better than I did. Calling yourself an ugly bride really does wonders for your self esteem.

A few months later and I've started to realise how silly I was being. It's fine to get upset about the fact that it's over, it really is, but don't start hating on yourself and your own wedding for it. I looked through my photos again the other day and realised that I didn't look like crap. I've known that all along, it was probably the only time I looked in the mirror and felt happy with how I look, but I couldn't silence that bitchy negative part of my mind. Looking through my photos reminded me of what an amazing day it was, and while I'm still wishing that I could do all of it again, I'm not sad anymore. If anything, I'm actually looking forward to our year's anniversary in October. 

In terms of advice, I read a few articles on the subject of post wedding blues, and most of them said the same thing, to make lots of plans for the future with your new husband so you have things to look forward to, and to gain some perspective about what getting married is actually about - it wasn't just so you could have a big party and wear a pretty dress. My husband was also quite supportive and actually gave me the best piece of advice, which is this: every time you feel yourself getting upset that your wedding is over, think of a tiny moment that you loved about the day. It literally can be the tiniest, silliest thing, like a random moment shared with a guest, or funny thing that happned when you were getting ready. I'll give you an example, this is a quote from my husband's speech: "Has everyone got a drink? We're going to be doing a few toasts. Oh, and that reminds me, table 7 [a table full of our friends], sip not gulp."

 

This is a re-written version of a post I wrote for the 30 Day Blogging Challenge a few months ago. You can read the original version on my personal blog here

Published by Amy Jackson