So the next time I blink my eyes, I’ll be in my second trimester and while the average pregnant woman is happy and excited right now I’m depressed, aggravated and miserable. I don’t ever want to go through this again. My body is killing me, I’m hot as hell. I’m always thirsty and on edge like a mo**af**ker. My “Sperm donor” thinks I’m more beautiful than ever and I’m glowing and blah blah blah but no. I’m fat as hell and feel ridiculously heavy. My ankles hurt worse than the heels on a fat girl’s pumps.  I’m always hungry and apparently I’m the only one who knows how to cook but I can’t stand on my feet too long because they always start swelling.

Now emotionally, I’m such a wreck. Completely unstable. It’s like one twin takes after me, nice and kind. The other takes after sperm donor, hateful and angry. Throughout the day everyone gets a turn taking over my emotions. Like what the hell. Then “sperm donor” has been nice but he’s getting on my damn nerves and I’m starting to feel like it’d be best I don’t come around him. While I know he’s just trying to be supportive and tend to me, he’s very pushy and pregnant me wants to bite his head off.

I don’t think it’s safe to take antidepressants or anxiety pills when pregnant. Idk what to do? I asked my mom and she suggested staying the hell out her way because her attitude is worse than mine, and she’s right. I can’t smoke weed because if I go to the doctor and it’s in my system that’s going to bring up another set of problems I don’t want to deal with. I guess I’ll just have to sit and be miserable. 

Published by ShylahBoss Lee