Psalms (Tehillim) Like 0 Twitter Lily Smythe Follow Oct. 4, 2016, 9:52 p.m. in Religion Views: 601 Like us on facebook Every morning, I sit and listen to the sounds of the world outside. Cars and buses going past; people going to work, children going to school. Tourists visiting the area, people on holiday. Dogs barking, neighbours shouting. Everyone’s doing something, going somewhere. Movement all around me. I feel as if I’m trapped in a bubble. Every day of the week is the same. As the world carries on, I get left behind. The walls of my house feel like the bars of a prison door. Sometimes I wonder why Hashem let me remain here so long. I remember the line in the Siddur, how can dust praise You, how can a dead man praise You? I feel like I can’t praise Hashem enough. How can I praise You when I can’t keep Your mitzvot? How can I praise You when I transgress Your commandments every day? I can’t celebrate Your new year and I can’t tremble at the sound of the shofar. And so I read Tehillim. Every day I read Tehillim. I didn’t used to. I tried and got lost in the words, my mind jumped, I stopped reading. Then one day I started reading and I couldn’t stop again. Now I read them every morning, sometimes even aloud. They are like my very own words. David, son of Yishai, tells of the accursed scoffers, the enemies who lay a trap for him, those who mock him and speak against him. He bemoans the nights he spends in agony; “I melt my couch with tears,” he writes. The words speak to my heart And then, the glory of Hashem. Sunlight streams through the slats of the blind and I look up at the sky. I’m seeing a miracle, I feel. The letters on the spines of leather seforim glint in the sun. How I wish they were my own. So I read Tehillim. To praise G-d, to praise His creations, His Word… I want to immerse myself in His Word, study His teachings all day… But many days I can’t. My only link to Him is a few lines of Tehillim, murmured in English. It would sound better in Hebrew. But why speak words I barely understand? Why not praise Hashem with words from my heart? He understands every language. I read the Hebrew words but I don’t speak them. Later that day I remember a friend. I wonder why she lost what she longed for so much. I wish she could see a full recovery, I wish Hashem would have mercy on her. She’s been through enough, she seems to have lost everything. Suddenly I remember her laughing in Shul, her black hat bobbing next to the rebbetzen’s blonde shaytel. I stared from across the ladies’ gallery. I wondered why she laughed. I pondered going over to join her. The memory’s frozen in my mind. She can’t make it to Shul anymore. Still she invites me to her house. I wish she were happy again. So I read Tehillim for her. I find a psalm which speaks to me, which tells me of her story, and I say it. I wonder if Hashem is listening. He must be. When I light my makeshift candle the next day, l’kvod shabbes, I say her name again. I know He’s listening. And yet still I don’t have a book. I look at the small, leather bound volume on the shelf. I touch the cover. The pages are paper thin, stained with age. Abandoned. And yet still not mine. Another shiny copy, a hasty replacement, sits in a bag in the hall. I can’t even touch it. I leaf through print outs, I read online, I glance at translations. Soon I’ll have my own book. Then I can say Tehillim again. Share Mail Messenger Twitter Pinterest Linkedin Comments Related Article Religion Daily Psalms Religion Daily Study Religion allah is not Jehova and jesus in the quran is not the Jesus of the Bible.