The thought makes me uncomfortable, I always put other people before myself, I feel that if I don't I will be considered selfish. I like to consider myself a selfless person and will always go above and beyond for someone who needs it. This does leave me vulnerable, it leaves me open to being let down and hurt as others don't do the same for me.

Don't get me wrong I do not expect people to do the same for me, but when things are going well and you are giving someone your all for them to shove it all back in your face as if they did not value it at all. Now that just hurts. I almost feel a heavy burden, maybe I should have done more to prevent this from happening, did I not do enough?

Putting others first has landed me in a whole world of hurt and being let down, it has messed with major parts of my life and affected my personality and my confidence. Recently, I have started to put myself first, standing up for myself, saying no to peoples requests. I really really dislike doing it but it is in my best interests that I do this. I am protecting myself but putting myself and my health and well-being first.

I think there should be more emphasis put on your own values and morals and what you are willing to take from people. At the end of the day, you should not put yourself down to bring others up, your health and your life is priceless, others should and are responsible enough to look after themselves. They don't need someone to hold their hand through life.

But when I do help someone I would like to be valued and thanked for my efforts, is that too much to ask? I am not giving just to receive, I do not believe it that, you give because you want to, because it makes you and that person happy. I have realised that over the years the pain and hurt just isn't worth it anymore, I am more confident and a stronger person because of it and I will not take it anymore. I will not let people take advantage of my generous character.

I will still help people and run errands for them, but I will not do it if it puts myself at risk of any sort, even if it psychological, even if it emotional. So, if it seems like I am coming across as a bitch, it is only because I am starting to put myself first and stay true to my values and beliefs about how these situations affect me. Make sure you put yourself first, focus on the purpose of why you are doing it, focus on the outcome and weigh up the costs that you may encounter and ask yourself is this benefitting my health? Am I making myself vulnerable to being hurt? Make sure you do what is best for you, put yourself first.

 

As RuPaul once said 'if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you guna love somebody else?'