Taken originally from https://naughtybutnais.com/2016/03/13/1192/

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N B N is currently residing in the coolest little city in the world according to Lonely Planet- Wellington, New Zealand.

 
Its tough when you get reminded of a past love. It has its way of creeping up on you. It happens slowly then all at once~ just like that feeling when you decide to fall in love with that person. Heart break has the same effect on me.

Today, I wasn't able to hold it in. I just came back from church and I hear the church's new release. Strike 1~ that was his sister's track. Then~ would you look At that~ there she is~ his sibling. The splitting image of him. And they have the same hands. Strike 2. Then afterwards,and a friend over dinner asks me about dating advice then boom~~ " didn't u date that guy before" STRIKE OUT!
 
Drove my cute lil self home after doing a fast detour to pick up my prada sunnies and notebook that I left at the resto in barefoot. Then sped through the motorway home.
 
At least I only burst into tears just as I got home. I was still able to close the door behind me as courtesy to my flatmates. Managed to get myself under my cozy newly put covers, duvet, and snuggly mink blanket. #bedenvy
 
I was just at a lost. It's been 2 months since I had come in contact with anything related to him or even come close to anything that reminded me of him. They all just physically manifested themselves today. On vision sunday. God is this a test? How do I pass this?
 
I called a friend up cuz I just had to have someone run me through these emotions. Feeling so sad just made me so defeated. I just feel so broken because I'm reminded that I hurt someone I deeply loved and cared for when I chose to look out for myself. Sometimes I see people around me have long lasting relationships and it makes me wonder what if I gave up too soon or was it wrong to jump ship when I did. I gave it my best you know and it still hurts to know that even if you did~ your best did not keep it together.
 
My friend said that these things are let by God for a reason.I told him~ well it better have a great reason cuz I'm sure as hell losing my mind over this. Love just breaks you doesn't it? But it's also the same thing that makes you.
 
He continues on saying~ sometimes two people like each other but may be they just don't like each other enough. Ouch! Right on the spot.I was telling him that sometimes it helps me to ease the pain when I play the blame game. Like who did the first move. Who liked who first. Lol and make that person take all the blame.
 
I told my friend that I did miss him but that doesn't change the fact that were still broken up. He brought up that issue about the reality we cone across~ that only when the two of you become truly vulnerable in a relationship~ that's when you see the person better and not the image of them you made up in your head. You see the flaws and all the hidden crap. It's better however that you see it now, he continues on while dating rather than when you are already deep into marriage.
 
"Date with eyes wide open," he says. "Only overlook stuff once youve said I do."

O life...
You just get better and better..

But I keep telling myself, even if...
All is still well with my soul.

Published by N B N