Dear Reader,

If you have read my previous blog posts, you’ll know how I enjoy writing about life and my own testimonies. I have seen a reoccurring pattern though, they are almost all positive. I must seem like an inspiration, or possibly just someone who is always happy… But that isn’t the case.

That almost never is accurate.

I want to remind you that I am human, and that I often have anger, judgement, frustration, and depression. You see me from a virtual view, and I realize this. Some might go out and say, “Wow, your blog is so inspirational!”, “Wow! You really get to experience amazing days!”, “Your faith is so encouraging!”

These things, are the absolute best, and I love getting to hear this. I feel reassured, and encouraged. But recently, my flesh has been acting up; it’s been coughing and hopeless. I have been crying for what seems like countless hours, anger for no reason besides selfishness, distracting myself with mindless T.V. shows, being lazy; and I feel gross.

I feel sin loathing on my body, I feel it slugging on my skin, in this hot weather. I feel it in between the crevices of my fingers and toes. It’s like a coat of slim on a snail, I am crawling to get it off, but it sticks on and leaves a path behind.

I often go to Stephen with my insecurities and my wild emotions, and he always tells me (within due time) to go to God. Talk to God. What could God NOT give you? And yet, that makes me burst into a bubble of more tears.

It’s that I want to pray, I want to talk to God, and I want his help; but my flesh and sin is screaming and dragging its nails across the chalk board. All I can muster in those moments are, “God, please help me,” and I continue to roll around helplessly as I stare at my wall for another hour.

Just recently, I was reading a devotional of someones, and they said, that sometimes, tears are silent prayers. It reminded me that God is always around us, that he is always near, and that he is always there to comfort us if we allow him. God is our turtle shell, with him, we have a home, and without him, we are dead.

Psalm 145:19 He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.

Psalm 34:6 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.

Romans 8: 26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

We have two paths in this life that we can walk. We can walk the path of sin, which leads to an eternity separated from God; but we could do what we like without guilt. Or, we could walk a life that is within closeness to God; and we would have to deny ourselves of our desires and bare our own cross for a short while, then spend eternity with our father; with our creator, with our king; which let me remind you, WILLINGLY gave up his son so that we might find eternity with him.

Yesterday, I was at a woman’s creative night, and one of the women there shared a devotional about treasure. It reminded me of all the things that, even if I don’t want to admit it, get put above God.

Somehow, he still has faith and a plan for me; he wakes me up every morning, he has me in a home, he still provides, he tells me where to go. Yet, I still like to sneak chocolate; still I like to ignore when I wake up, sometimes I am not humble while I pray.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I am human, and because everyone should know. The people you see preaching, the missionaries you see with grateful smiles on their faces, the kids you see bursting with joy; these people are humans and have sin as well. They fall short to the glory of God; they’re not perfect, not in one single edge.

When you hear their sermons, their testimonies, their laughter- these come directly from God (unless they are a false-prophet); these are given unto the Holy Spirit who lives inside us. They convey what we need to hear. You shouldn’t look up to a single person, besides our savior Jesus Christ. Do not look up to me, do not look up to your pastor, do not look up to anyone besides Jesus Christ. You might admire what we are being called to do, but the only person who should be glorified is the man who gave himself for us, the father that not only sent his son, but he himself; the spirit who works inside of us! We mustn’t look up to one another, but help build up each other as the body of Christ.

Think of it as a burner, the pot is Jesus Christ; the stove is God, the Spirit is the burner. All we can do is warm up the water, but we cannot do it without the stove, pot, or burner! We need ALL three of those things. All we control is whether we are coming to God (prayer, reading the bible, going out and spreading his name, etc) and if we have accepted him into our lives. If we TRULY have God, we will want to seek him, we will have the spirit inside of us. If I was the only one trying to boil the water, it wouldn’t boil very much, and it would just be hot in one spot; but if we as a collective whole come together in prayer, fellowship, and to the Lord; we will boil the water with the help of our Creator! Rejoice with me! How joyful it must be to God to see his people denying themselves of their SELFISH desires, and coming to him! We do not need anything more than the love of our Father!

Some have asked me, are you comfortable giving up your life for, God? That’s your whole life! You’d surely have to give up so much.

Dear person asking me such a question, I have a question for you! Why would you even ask that? Or say that? I am not giving up anything! This is what God has called us to do, to go out and proclaim his name! How would I be giving up anything? My selfish desires? Perhaps, but I chose to give that up when I accepted my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into my heart. So really, what am I giving up? Nothing. I am not giving up my life nor am I wasting it; I am following the path that I have been chosen to go. I might not make a lot of money, friends, or material possessions; but how could I want that with the Holy Spirit who fills me more than any of those things ever possibly could. How could I possibly be humble driving around in a fancy car?

So; the reality is; on those two paths, I chose the path to spend eternity with my father. I, however fall to sin, and I take steps backward, and lately I have taken more steps backwards than I would possibly like to admit; but with the help, and only the help of my God, can I move forward on those steps.

Matthew 19:25-26  25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” 26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

There is only one way you can be saved, and that is through the grace and salvation we receive from God. I pray that you allow him into your heart, and I continue to allow him into mine. I cannot save you, your pastor cannot save you, your friends cannot save you, neither can your family, no one but Jesus Christ who allows us to go to God.

So, in reality, which path are you on?

Published by Ashley Chapman