"pain made me a writer" 

I saw this quote from a Facebook page I'm following and relates with every word, every emotion. I'm quite sensitive and need an outlet to let these feelings glide and sway gracefully like the wind. As an artist, masterpieces are not enough to convey a vast universe of thoughts, feelings and sentiments...

It took awhile for me to write my first article, as I have struggled with a series of upheavals. My brother passed away February last year. It was really sudden as he died in his sleep, he was also very young... And barely a year after and while we are still mourning over his passing, my father followed...

He was rushed to the hospital after collapsing in the morning of January 12th. Tita Mel (my aunt) called me up to inform me and had time to pray for him, but it was too late, my dad gave up. I'm left shaken and confused, that day I kept on asking God why. And for sometime, I stopped praying... I thought that God failed to hear me, or have I failed calling him... Why He took away both? Why too soon? 2 deaths in a year, why? Why in my family?

With the help of my family and friends, slowly I've realized that perhaps my dad was spared of debilitation or from pain if ever he survived. God has a reason for everything, and maybe that was one... Now, I'm grateful for His grace and how I'm able to cope one step at a time. I call my mom more often, I tell her, my Nanay (grandmother) and my sisters, everyone that i love them while I can...  I cherish life more like each day is my last... Erik, my soulmate makes a daily effort to cheer me up. Then, I play with my daughter much longer, and spend more time talking to her. 

And so I felt the need to share my story. May this be a reminder for us all that time is finite, life is very short, yes it's too late for me to tell my dad I love him but I continue to pray with all my might that he knows... I pray for strength, for healing, and more time to share and make wonderful memories with family and friends... because no one really knows...

please hug and kiss your loved ones for me...

goodnight

Published by mindful mp