For some reason, I just felt compelled to write this one because of the recent photography job offers I received. Unfortunately, I've had to turn them down because of my Clinical Rotations. 

First and foremost I am a Nurse. I have been studying to be a Nurse and that is the profession I have ultimately chosen, but do I have days that I feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life? Yea, everyday in all honesty. When I was growing up, my father had a very cynical view of the world, and still sorta does. I always knew he hated his job, just from the way he acted every time he came home from work. It wasn't the patients he hated, it was the company and its management (which is the case with any company in all honesty). When I was in middle school, I asked him why he became a Respiratory Therapist to begin with. He told me, that it was the most practical degree to have in his situation. He said he didn't know what else to do, and because his family didn't have that much money growing up, it was the best option. Not once did I hear that he did it for the love of it. It was his responsibility, he felt like he had to take care of the family and so that's what he did. 

My mother went to school for Medicine. She went through all the hell that a person goes through in medical school, and practiced for a bit until she got an offer to come to the United States as a Physical Therapist because she would make more money there as a PT then a doctor in the Philippines. She took that opportunity, which led to where I am today. Although she is generally a very happy person, she herself has moments of utter regret, not being able to practice what she ultimately went to school for. To her, being a PT was a downgrade and she's felt that way ever since, but I didn't get that vibe from her for the first 15 years of my life. She would always laugh about what her patients did that day, and just seemed genuinely happy about her job. It was to the point where I said I wanted to be a PT just like her until she shot down that idea altogether and told me to go into Nursing instead. That's when I started questioning everything.

My parents and I would get into very intense fights over it. Why couldn't they let me choose my major? I kept promising that I wasn't going to bounce from major to major, like they feared, but it was no use so they paid, and I played along. It wasn't until June of this year that my fears of how my mother felt came into fruition. My mother and I got into another argument about how I should've been a biology major instead because I liked the courses better, but she down right asked why should I waste my time with a major that will get me nowhere. Thats when I had it. I was tired of hearing those same words. I was tired of hearing how much they disapproved of every other major just because it wasn't as "High and mighty" as the medical field majors like Nursing or RT, the typical doctor mentality she has. She told me right then and there in these exact words,"You think I like being a PT? You think I like being talked down upon by doctors knowing that I'm a doctor myself and I know just as much as they do?! I came to the United States for a better opportunity, but I hate not practice what I went to school for!" and thats when I knew: In this family, responsibility came first, and the passion for something came second. 

As I write this, I tear up because of the opportunities I might have missed, because of fear. Fear of disappointment from my family, fear if failing, fear of all of it. My passions are my salvation from this responsibility that I put on myself, but not all of its bad though. At the end of all of this, I do enjoy Nursing and taking care of people, which what I feel like is my purpose in life, but getting there has been the hardest hurdle, and a journey that I myself must continue to travel, because I know my parents are doing this for my own good. They were put into difficult situations as immigrants and they took the chance and I absolutely commend them for that. By doing all of this, Its their way of making sure that I have a good life and this pressure they put on me will only make me stronger and thats all I can really ask for in the end.

**Picture: This is the legacy my grandfather has left for his grandchildren. We have been raised to continue to uphold that legacy. Its a responsibility all 13 of us grand childen have taken on.**

Published by Catrece Ann Tipon