What the hell does it actually mean to be a ride or die partner?

Well, in Beyonce and Jay-Z song ‘Bonnie and Cylde’, the couple sets up a narrative that they play as two runaway bandits in love but as much as I admire them as individuals and as a unit and I do love the song, I find an issue in its overall theme.ride-and-die-7The idea of being a “ride-or-die” which entails you doing anything for your partner no matter how extreme the act or the consequences are, may seem romantic when in actuality, but it’s very problematic.

ride-and-die-6I remember I was ever posted with the question. “Babe, are you my ride or die?”Being confused and unsure of how to respond, I never put too much importance behind my response when saying, ‘Yes’. After what resulted to constant pressure to uphold this ride-or-die persona leading to a very difficult position that forced me to choose between him and my reputation and safety.


I chose the latter and that did not go over well with him. I was no longer seen as faithful, dependable. From then on, I had to be convincing in other ways and I became overly dedicated in the process.

The Wrong ‘Ride or Die’ Mentality today;

Because I am your ride or die I am willing to forgive you no matter the intensity of pain that comes from the lies you deliver.

Because I am your ride or die I am willing to endure the harshness of your words as you tear me apart.

Because I am your ride or die I am willing to to sleep alone…again..knowing you said you’d be home by midnight.

Because I am your ride or die I am willing to apologize for your mistakes rather than confront you on how they have affected me.

Because I am your ride or die I am willing to exert 80% of my love and effort while you remain content with exerting only 20%.

Because I am your ride or die you have to keep testing my love for you. Why do that? Just allow me to love you. We just dint fall in each other’s way. The feeling did not just pop up from no-where. 

Before your thoughts begin to unravel…don’t get me wrong. Being a ride or die isn’t entirely unhealthy. What is unhealthy is being the wrong type of ride or die.

What The Right ‘ride or die’ should be;

I am your ride or die because I will love you from the bottom and help build with you to the top.

I am your ride or die because I am wise enough to understand that times won’t always be easy and strong enough to not let the obstacles tear us down.

I am your ride or die because I will ride with you through the struggle and assist in repairing yOUR mistakes

I am your ride or die because I am willing to accept your flaws and find beauty within them.

I am your ride or die because I am will love you unconditionally when times are complicated and doubtful rather than temporarily when times are clear and promising.

I am your ride or die because I am devoted to comforting you when you fail to see the light.

I am your ride or die because I acknowledge not only my worth, but yours as well..leading me to value you for everything that you are.

That’s my opinion. Maybe am wrong. It’s okay to have your own kind of definition. 

At this day in age, as young souls through the false perceptions and expectations of relationships, if anything is crucial it is the idea that we must remain true to ourselves. What we must do is to come to the realization that once we decide to fully love someone we must develop a sense of balance.

ride-and-die-8Is the love so strong to the point where it becomes dangerously blinding to some of us? So strong to the point where it becomes ridiculously overbearing? As Fergie sang, “You got me slippin’ oh, tumblin’ oh, sinkin’ oh, fumblin’ oh, clumsy cause am fallin’ in love”


Do not use this label of ride or die persona to stick by your man or your woman through the seemingly never-ending, repetitive and unapologetic bullshit. Many of us need to pick their behinds out of that relationship or you will die being someone that doesn’t get the love and relationship that you truly deserve. Pick your head up, know your worth and last but not least, be the most righteous ride or die you can be – the RIGHT way.




Published by Doreen Eshinali