Saga of My Life


This is a mostly true story...


Listen closely to my tale

Of making macaroni from scratch.

I began by forging a mighty cauldron.

Seven tons of iron ore I dipped

Into the molten fires of Mt. Mfjlldrk.

For seven centuries, I hammered

The red hot iron until it

Wrought the mighty cauldron.


To fill the cauldron,

I carried it clear to the springs

Of Yggdrasil. With a thunderous

Stomp, I made the waters

Leap into my mighty cauldron!

Next, I used my great battle axe

To chop down a forest for tinder.

With one chop, I felled ten trees.

With two chops, one thousand!


With my bare hands, I pulled

A boulder of flint from the mountainside.

I dragged it across my rugged beard,

Sending flames shooting over the forest.

I placed my mighty cauldron

Atop the flames and filled it

With the legendary Elbows of Macaroni.

I then grabbed the ocean by

Its corners and shook the salt

Into my mighty cauldron.


From the frozen north, I took cheese

Made with milk ripped from

The teats of ancient Audumbla

And began to grate it, but

My hand slipped and four of

My fingers were chopped off!

Once again, I traveled to Yggdrasil.

I wrestled with the giant wolf

Fenrir, breaking off one of his fangs.

I used it to reattached my fingers

With thread made from his fur.


I then began to stir the

Legendary Elbows of Macaroni

With a one-hundred-foot tall

Sapling of Yggdrasil.

Suddenly, water heated to

One million degrees splashed

On to my hand. Without flinching,

I disregarded the tenth degree

Burns and plunged my hand

Into butter made from milk

Ripped from the teats of ancient Audumbla.


Finally, I poured the water from

My mighty cauldron, forming

A seventh sea. I mixed in

The cheese and butter and blew

The fire out with one breath.


Ten thousand Vikings filled my

Mead Hall and yet they could not

Finish all of the legendary

Elbows of Macaroni that I set

Before them. To this day,

There still exists leftovers

From that epic meal.

Published by Tyler Deal