It's been way too long since I've written a genuine post on here, but here I am. And I'm going to begin by being honest. I'm angry and I'm frustrated. So far this whole year has been a constant back and forth, highs and lows. My series is ending soon and I want to write more. There are characters and stories filling up my brain. I even noticed that during a straight five hours on a bus all I had to do was listen to them which may sound crazy. I didn't listen to music, I didn't read a book. There is just so much thought that runs through me I don't need it. This is what I love to do and for a while I had a great few weeks of enjoying life as crazy busy as I was. Then yesterday changed that. 

It was a very weird situation too. I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now and I've been talking to her about moving out in a few years and how I've been saving up my money. Now, I don't have a college degree, right now I'm a author and a nanny. That being said I've made it clear I'm not sure what type of job I can get that I would be able to live in an apartment with a roommate. I'm well aware it's a reality that I will have to get a more promising job, my problem is that I'm not sure what steps to take to figure out what I would enjoy besides writing. Of course this was discussed in therapy and I flat said I don't know how to find what I enjoy or what I'm good at besides writing my own stories. This is where things went downhill because she didn't really give me an answer. She recommended being an editor which I can't do because editing is where I lack in writing and advertisement which doesn't interest me too much (I took a commercial art class in high school and sucked at it). 

Once that was over I literally went home and cried. I don't expect someone to tell me what to do, I obviously have to figure it out on my own, I just need direction. (Bizarre side note I just realized: When I saw a medium a year ago he told me my grandmother said I have creative energy I just lack direction) It started me thinking about seeing a life coach instead. I think I got so upset because for so long I have been waiting for someone I can trust to guide me to my path. It's like I always get disappointed in the end. 

The only way I've been able to describe it in my head is by saying it's like going to a mechanic and they tell you there's something wrong with your car but you have to fix it yourself. Why even bother? I'm just slowly getting more tired and it's not good. That's the frustrating part because I want to live life happily and not just exist. 

Published by Dylann Rhea