So many times we say, my significant other makes me so happy! Or Thanks to my significant other, I finally found happiness Or I’m done with my significant other, they just don’t make me happy anymore Or Break up with your significant, you deserve to be happy! I admit I have said these words more than enough.

Thanks to blogging. Through pooping in on different sites, I have come across different opinions on topics like this and I thought I should share my opinion. 

One thing I have come to realize, a relationship is not meant to make me happy. It is nobody’s job to make me happy (of course if I was rich, I would hire someone to fulfill all my needs – Life would be so easy!) But to put an expectation on someone else that their commitment to you is a commitment to keep you in a constant state of happiness, is fucking insane! Road to a true relationship has thorns, hurt, pain and drama – too much drama. So, you will never be truly happy. 

You make yourself as happy or as unhappy as you want. Don’t put that kind of pressure on someone else. Don’t allow someone else to take over how you feel on a day to day basis.

Yes, relationships are wonderful and they add so much to our lives, but they are not here to provide a happiness we can’t find in ourselves. New relationships don’t fill a void of emotional pain that your ex left in your heart. Relationships aren’t the missing piece to your fulfillment.

There’s no finding happiness. This is not a scavenger hunt. You feel happy. You don’t find it or lose it or attain it or buy it. You feel it, just as much as you feel sadness or anger or frustration or attraction.

We should stop – am talking to me on this part– stop putting these expectations on romantic relationships. And, because of this, because we don’t understand that a relationship is not meant to fulfill a void or bring us happiness, we have yet to experience the gifts of what romantic love actually offers.

Love is a powerful thing. I would say that because I have truly experienced it and sometimes you will be willing to do anything for that individual so that they stay, even if that means losing your identity in the process.

Please understand that am not saying that relationships do not completely bring us happiness, they do but to an extent.Relationships aren’t the core of our lives, there is so much more to life than revolving your heart around a significant other. We need to learn how to be happy with ourselves, and learn how to think for ourselves before allowing another individual in – am still learning that.

True happiness is something that is permanent (still learning this), never ever define your happiness over another human being, because you are just setting yourself up for ultimate disappointment. I learned this the hard way, and now I have and still developing a tone of hobbies that make me happy, so if my man ever leaves me….yes I will be sad for a bit but I will be able to move on with my life much easier because I know I will be okay. 

True happiness is out there, but it isn’t with someone, it’s with something.


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Published by Doreen Eshinali