"When you let go, you're giving space for better things in life"

Um excuse me? What if I don't want to?

Change. The only constant in life is change. No matter how hard we try to prevent it, it is inevitable.

You hate how things aren't as good as they were. People aren't as close as they were. We tend to change (grow out of each other) and you start to feel the difference. It's like you don't know who they are anymore. You just want to be there during important moments of their lives & you want them to be in yours. But no matter how hard you try, people change. You change. And despite changing, you miss the person you were. You miss the person they were.

Your heart constantly lives and beats for a place/person/moment that is only existent in the past. Sadness overwhelms your existence when you realise what you yearn for is far beyond grasp. No. It's far beyond logic. And for the up tenth time, you feel helpless and hopeless altogether. And it is the worst feeling to feel. You'd succumb to your thoughts and soon depression became a regular visitor and soon a friend.

You try so hard to preserve what you have and who you are. And you would realise your efforts are worthless and everything is beyond you. At a point, you would change strategy. You want to be okay. You desperately want to enjoy your present. You desperately want to be okay with yourself & everything around you. You convince yourself that you are doing great.

You were doing fine until that one moment of impact. That one little memory, one word, one scent, one familiar laugh, one photo, one person that would bring you back to square one. Crumbling inside beyond your control. And every piece of you that you painfully built falls apart and it kills your every being. Every effort you put before, wasted.

This cycle of falling apart and putting your pieces back soon became a routine. And to your surprise you are getting better at it. The pain became more and more numbing. Soon, to your relief, acceptance felt more real than ever. You learn to accept.

You still hate how things aren't the same. Life will continue to change and change with or without your will. You might as well enjoy the ride by making the best of what you have. It might not be easy but it feels a lot better than feeling sorry for yourself. You would hold on to that slight feel-good feeling to stay sane and to always look ahead. It sure feels a hell lot better than being stuck in reverse.

Though your past is your comfort zone, it is a weirdly good feeling to be scared of what is for you in the future. As the saying goes, "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." --Lao Tzu  

"Things have changed for me & that's okay" :)

Photo is from Pinterest :)

Published by Alya Maisarah