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Alone in the middle of a field, following what the voices inside my head tell me to do. Yelling to sky in frustration because no one understands what’s going on inside me. Which voice do I listen to? You’re crazy they say. No I’m not I scream. You’re sick they say. No I’m not. No. No I’m not.   They get louder, I get louder, and can anyone else hear me?

I’m not sick, I say. I’m not. Really, I feel perfectly fine. I feel myself falling slowly to the ground. What’s happening I yell? You’re sick they say. No I’m not. The ground, it’s cold. It feels good to lay here. To lay here watching the stars twinkle in the sky, are they getting closer? The sky is coming down on me. It’s getting closer and closer the stars are getting bigger, I can see them moving. Moving the way the wind blows. The wind, ever so slightly blowing leaving trails of bumps up and down my skin. I’m not cold. Not cold, just laying here. Lying here, I feel myself fading away. No don’t go I say. I like it here. I like the feel of the grass blades on my legs and, and.

I can’t open my eyes. I can’t feel my fingers. Where am I? Am I still on the grass? It feels like it, You’re crazy they whisper. Go away, I yell. Did they hear me? Everything goes quiet, so still you could hear a pin drop.

There’s light. I can see it. Who’s there I yell? Sadie, stay still. We are here to help you. There are lights everywhere, so many people. Don’t touch me I yelled. No touching. No touching. Don’t touch me I yelled. I feel them. Stay with us Sadie, I heard one of them say. Where am I going? I thought. I’m right here.

“Sadie we are here to take you the hospital.” They said.

The voices, where did they go? We’re right here Sadie, waiting patiently for you to go. Slip away into the dark abyss to never awake again. You’re slowly fading.

I am? Where am I going?

“Where am I going?” I yelled.

No one seems to hear or even notice me crying out, looking for help.
“Where am I going?” I yelled even louder.

Someone glanced down at me with what looked like pity or sorrow in his eyes. I couldn’t tell.

“She’s fading!!” I heard him yell to the others.

“Fading, what does that mean? I asked.

It means you’re dying you idiot. I heard the voices tell me.



I can’t breathe, why can’t I breathe? Hello, help me. I can’t breathe. My lungs are getting weaker. It’s harder to swallow, is someone stabbing me? Is this what it feels like be dying? I’m not dying though. Everything is pitch black, where did those lights go? The voices in my head are getting louder again. I don’t want to hear them.

“Sadie hang in there.” I heard someone say.

Just a faint whisper that sounded so far away, getting quieter and quieter towards the end.

“Stay with us, Sadie.” She said again.

“Sadie who did this to you?” She asked.

What was she talking about? No one did anything to me. I was with a couple friends, I think. No I was by myself. I was at home in bed. I swear I was.

“Sadie open your eyes.” I heard. Who said that?

Someone call her parents I heard. My parents, who are they? I don’t understand what they are talking about or what they are doing with me.

“Sadie listen to my voice.” I heard her say again.

Someone start bagging her, She’s fading fast. She yelled. We are going to save her even if it’s the last life we save.

Saving my life I thought to myself, but I’m fine. I don’t feel like anything is wrong with me.

“Nothing is wrong with me!!” I screamed as loud as I could.

What’s going on, I can’t feel my fingers. They feel like pins and needles. It’s going up my arms. I’m going numb.

“Why can’t I feel anything? I yelled. I start crying, panicking that they are hurting me.

What are these people doing to me I thought? The voices in my head are still talking and I wish they would shut up. They keep telling me that I should just give up and stop breathing.

I’m going to fight this, even if I don’t know what I’m fighting for. These people are going to hear me!! I don’t like what they are doing; they need to stop. Why aren’t they stopping? It hurts. I just felt my ribs cracking, why did they do that? The voices are yelling at me. Telling me that I’m in the hospital and the doctors are giving me CPR. I’m unconscious. What?

“Stop it!!” I yell.

“They can’t hear you.” The voices told me.

“I got a pulse.” I heard someone say.

Of course you have a pulse; I’m not dead.


 Where are all the lights coming from and what is that beeping noise? Someone shut it off; it is driving me crazy.

“She’s waking up.” I heard say again.

“Sadie, can you hear me? I’m Dr. Shore.” She said.

I nodded my head or at least I thought I did. My head feels like it weighs a hundred pounds so maybe I was just thinking that I nodded.

“Squeeze my fingers Sadie.” She said again.

“Where am I?” I asked her.

“You’re in the hospital. Do you remember anything?” She asked.

“I was at home in bed.” I said.

I think that’s where I was.

“Sadie, are you on any medication?” She asked me.

“No.” I answered.

She looked at me sad and confused, unsure of why I would give her that answer.

“I’m not on anything, if that is what you’re thinking.” I said to her.

“Sadie, you were found by your neighbor wandering around in the field behind your house naked. You were staggering around and talking to yourself.” She told me.

“I what?” I said, looking at her in disbelief.

“Do you remember what you where doing yesterday?” She asked.

“Um, I remember hanging out at home for awhile and then around five or six I remember leaving with a friend.” I told her.

“Do you remember where you went?” She asked.

“No, nothing.” I told her.

“You had a massive amount of heroine in your system. Your neighbor called the ambulance on you when you fell to the ground and stopped moving. You were barley breathing when they got there and ended up having to do CPR. You died Sadie. Someone did this to you and we need to know whom. You’re going to have some bruising and a lot of pain the next couple weeks and you’re going to stay here to be monitored. Let me know if you remember anything.” She told me.

I looked at her in shock unable to say anything. Who would do this to me? Why can’t I remember anything? A hundred questions going through my mind at once, I died. Thank you Ms. Harrison for doing what you did.

“I died.” I said to myself

No one answered me.

I was alone again. The Dr. stepped out of the room after telling me what happened to give me time to process what she said. Someone had drugged me, but whom?

Published by Maxine Frantz