In my head is a toddler; emotions too vast,
Born out of trauma and a chaotic past.
She rants and rages; takes days to deflate,
She never sees what she’s done until it’s too late.

Compelled to be perfect, but can't always be,
So a perfect disgrace is the alternate she.
I need to move through this; work with my pain,
Accept that emotions aren't controlled by my brain.

I need to move slowly, hold her back,
She wants to jump in but there are skills she lacks.
If she dives in head first, she'll surely get burnt.
"It's OK not to know things that you haven't learnt."

So as I listen and observe the tyrant in my mind,
I gradually realise she needs me to be kind.
I'm learning to be patient; that change is organic,
Can I trust them to help me? Can I quell the panic?

They're helping me expand that emergent space,
To learn new behaviours; to slow my pace.
To find the 'middle path' I crave so desperately,
To find the strength to face “the pain of being me”.

Accompanying image 'The Monster Within'


Watercolour pencil on paper. Image and original drawing copyright Katy Matilda Neo 2016.

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Published by Katy Matilda Neo