You know that place where a smile doesn’t get it. . . a clean home doesn’t make it better. . .  you even come to realize that children actually listening AND obeying isn’t what you need. . . or a loving husband isn’t what will fix how you feel. This isn’t working, and thatisn’t what you need.

Yeah, that’s life. 

Please tell me you’ve been there. I know I’m not the only one. As hard as it may seem, there is freedom in being transparent and just down right real. What was described in the last paragraph is a place that I’m currently leaving. How did I get there? Hhhmmm, now that would take a lot of back-tracking, but what I think is most important is realizing that I’m there, it’s not cool, and it’s time to go.

A teaching I heard last night helped me realize that it’s not okay to stay in this place and just cope or deal with it. My last blog post about Jonah even makes more sense now. It’s not that I get in this place often, but when I’m in it, why do I skirt the mountain. . . getting in my own power, trying to handle things my way. . . and then call upon Abba. . .

Last night was enough. I went to my place I always go when I need a moment to think without having to do and think for others. . . our bedroom closet. I had told my husband for several days before today that I just needed to cry. He always asks, “Why don’t you?”Good question, dear.

Why don’t I?

What am I holding on to that is preventing me from crying out?

Why am I so prideful?

I realize there is so much more in this crying out than I really care to dive into, but then again, I have to. So I did. I cried out to Yahweh and told Him that I needed Him to embrace me, make me whole again, fill me up again, let me hear from Him again, and to cleanse me again. I admitted to Him that I just. couldn’t. do. it. anymore. And more now than ever, I needed His intimacy, again.

Like He didn’t already know (LOL). There was some liberty in my intimate moment with my Creator King. Did I come out of our bedroom totally refreshed, revived, and rejuvenated? Not hardly. And I’m still feeling a little off this morning as I type this. I know why, though. Because if it were that easy and simple then would it not become more of a habit rather than a desire to call upon Him? That’s how the Israelites were and I don’t want to be like that. All for God today but then come next month, He’s on the back burner pleading with me to come back to Him.

I don’t want to be that daughter. My desire is to be so close and intimate with Yahweh to the point that I truly understand what it means for me to know Him and He know me. . . and that I truly grasp what it means for us to be one…  for me to genuinely do what He would have me to do, totally operating in His power that would forever change the lives of those around me.

It’s comforting to know that Yeshua (Jesus) has prayed for me, for moments like this. . . because He knew what I would need better than I would ever know:

“And this is everlasting life, that they should know You, the only true Elohim, and Yeshua Messiah whom You have sent” (John 17:3).

That right there hits me like a ton of bricks. That is Yeshua (Jesus) praying for me before I was formed in my mother’s womb. He prayed that I would know Yahweh and He who was sent. Not just knowing about them. . . but actually knowing them.

That means I should know that I can cry out whenever I need to. That means knowing the cost of living for Him. That means knowing that there will be rough and tough times. That means knowing that I have an Advocate with the Father. That means knowing that His grace is sufficient for me. That means knowing that His arm isn’t too short and there is nothing impossible for Him. That means knowing that I can put my total trust in Him.

That list can go and on.

And if that wasn’t enough, Yeshua (Jesus) continues His prayer for me to be covered:

“I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours. Guard them in Your Name which You have given Me, so that they might be one, as We are. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You keep them from the wicked one.” (John 17:9, 11, 15)

Simply amazing. It really becomes hard to stay in the place that likes to beat me up and keep me from crying out to my Abba after reading Word like that.

The prayer that Yeshua (Jesus) prayed in John 17 is one of strength, endurance, courage, perseverance, love, and most of all – unity. He covered it all, and that all covers me.

His oneness is my hearts desire because when I find myself in that place [or any other place for that matter] – He is with me. . . and through His strength, I do not have to stay there.

So if you find yourself in that place. . . read John 17.

Published by Michelle Huddleston