How did I overcome depression?

I had depression around March of 2015 (but not continuous) till June of 2016. There's an of and on moment. The worst happened on February of 2016. I decided to go to the psychiatrist as I realised that I need help. I don't really know what I had but I know I need help. I feel like crying as I'm writing this. All of those bad memories are now lingering in my head.

For every session with the psychiatrist, I cried. All of their solutions seems unimportant for me at that time. It can't solve my situation. I feel like I'm talking to a robot. They're programmed on what to say to me. It feels not genuine. After 4–5 sessions, I became quite busy at that time as I am preparing to quit Matriculation and enrol into STPM. Back in school again. I am happy again. I don't know how or why, but once I'm out of Matriculation, I started doing everything that I love, getting busy, distracting myself, I go to work, I became happier as I met wonderful people, and that's how it stopped. Just like that. And so I did not attend anymore sessions because I totally forgot about it and I don't know what to talk about with the psychiatrist as everything seems fine again. The suicidal feeling takes time to go away. I had this one time episode where I was crying (for some reason I wouldn't want to share) while calling the hospital staff that I forgot the appointment date, and the hospital staff was worried. She asked me whether I'm feeling okay. I said no. I said that I want to kill myself. I could hear her getting quite panicked and she passed the phone to maybe someone more experienced. They asked me to go to the emergency department. I said I will. But I get into my house, and I slept. I felt so much better after sleeping.

The aftermath of depression

What about my condition now after I battled with depression? Well, first of all, I became so distant with my family and my mother. I won't tell why but yeah, I am not close or happier like I used to be before I had depression, with them. I see things differently now. I understand differently. I lose trust in people. Even the closed ones.

Secondly, my faith has decreased. My relationship with God is also distant now. I used to spend most of the time crying and feeling suicidal. I hope it gets better.

Thirdly, I am more tempered. I cursed a lot when driving, I get easily mad with petty things. I am overprotective of myself and my feelings. I am usually quite sensitive of what others feel but now I'm not. I don't care what others feel. It's easier for me to cut people out of my life now.

One thing for sure is that I am a different person at home and I am a different person when in school. I put a different mask when in school. I am happier, more focused, and organised. I also can be a leader haha that's kind of weird isn't it. I used to be so shy and not confident when in secondary school. Again, now I'm not.

I won't be able to give you much of an advice on how to battle with depression as I find them useless when I was having it haha. But why not start with doing what you've been wanting to do. Be rebellious for once in your life. Go to work if you want, walk around the mall even if it seems pointless, spend your time just reading books in the bookstore or the DVD store, go to the hairsalon, go to the gym, listen to Indie songs, drive to places you've always wanted to go, do some volunteering work, buy some new DVDs and watch movies! Just try, try to distract yourself. It won't get away easily, but it's a good start. Get help immediately when you feel unwell. I do these things by myself as I found no one would be there for me. And that is okay. Only I can help myself. So go do it on your own.

Thank you for reading!

Feel free to ask any questions.

 

Published by Julianna Ong